Reality Check Christian Chick

Not Necessarily Good-bye

2007-02-02T11:55:00.000-08:00

Today is my last day as a staffing specialist. I can’t say I’ll miss the job. There is too much interference from every other department & the owner often creates chaos where Sidney & I end up cleaning up the aftermath of the havoc she created. I’ll still be at the same company 2 days a week doing filing, so I’ll still see the same people. I don’t usually get attached to people (when I’m gone, I’m gone; I don’t look back), so I wouldn’t miss anyone except Sidney anyway (he’s like a brother to me). Yet, as I mentioned before, I will miss blogging & keeping in contact w/ my sister. However, this does not mean I will never again blog or be able to check out her & her children’s blogs from time to time. Both my parents have Internet access at their homes, so I can, from time to time, add a little more to my blog & check up on what else is going on. So it’s not “good-bye”, it’s “I’ll see you later.”
If you think of it, please pray that God will bless me with a clear head and the ability to learn my new job quickly and accurately. God has already given me the ability to learn quickly (every job I’ve ever had my trainers have always told me they were surprised with how fast I learn), but I’m still nervous, especially when a mistake could cause harm to an animal.
Anyway, it’s been nice blogging here, hopefully I’ll be back in the not too distant future. Let me leave you with this:
Numbers 6:24-26, "The LORD bless you and keep you; the LORD make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the LORD turn his face toward you and give you peace."

Romans 8:28

2007-02-02T11:47:00.000-08:00

I was really hoping I would have profound thoughts to add to my blog today, but the only thing on my mind is a theme I’ve written about many times. Oh well, here it is anyway.
Romans 8:28, “We know that all things work together for good to them that love God, who have been called according to His purpose.”
I’m sure I’ve quoted this verse before as it is one of my favorites. Sometimes it is difficult for me to believe that everything happens for a reason, or works toward some kind of grand purpose. I think we sometimes try to find the reason why something had to happen in the hard times in order to comfort ourselves. If we truly believe that there was no point to a certain tragedy, then all we can feel is despair. Yet, what we must remember is that this scripture verse does not say that all things work for only our purpose. We don’t know when our situation benefits someone else’s growth even when it doesn’t benefit our life.
This theme has been in my thoughts since about April or May of last year. I realized at least some of the purpose behind the hellish situation I faced at my last job was to grow spiritually and realize that I am capable of standing up for my faith. Whether it changed anyone’s heart at all, I may never know. But then I wondered why I got hired at my present job. I am suffering financially & I don’t like the work. However, perhaps the only way I would have gotten my new job at the vet hospital was to be in my current situation where I had to be dissatisfied enough to seek out a new job. And therefore, be given my dream job. Or perhaps I’m just stretching things a bit too much. My logical mind has the need to try to piece things together so that I understand why my life goes the way it does. There are a lot of areas in my life that I haven’t seen a purpose behind. I just have to have faith and believe it will all work out, even when things seem like a gigantic mess. Once again, I am beyond grateful to God for the dream job and that all things seem to be working out, according to His purpose. I only hope I can honor Him by being a bright light at my new job and by doing my job the best I can.

Cross Stitch Photos

2007-02-02T09:01:00.000-08:00

Here are a few pictures of the cross stitch I wrote about last week that I am working on for my dad. The completed design is an example of what it will look like. The small corner is all I have done so far, and the other photo is the complicated pattern. It is the most unusual one I have done so far. You use 2-4 strands of thread for each square and use 1-2 colors per square. It makes for a pretty effect w/ the blended colors, but for some reason takes longer to do. Also, shading around the man w/ the eagle is only a one way stitch and does not double back to make an “x.” It’s going to take a long time, but should be pretty when it’s done.

Ah yes, I Remember it Well

2007-02-01T13:27:00.000-08:00

In Christina’s comments to my blog yesterday… Yes, I remember. I seem to recall a laughing fit from either one or both of us. “Love is never stuffed up, never puffed up, never gives up when the going’s rough. It’s the biggest little word you can say, by the way. It’s sympathy, sincerity, it’s charity, the main variety, everything that happiness is made of. And I like it best when it’s shared w/ a friend!” I can see why we got the giggles! I also remember one other song we sang (can’t remember which one) where you started crying, & I sang it all. Lots & lots of signing together memories. I still can’t hear “Heirlooms” w/o thinking of my sister, especially the word “pierced!” I also remember when I’d get offended when anyone in the congregation would laugh at any of our songs, not realizing they weren’t making fun of me, but thinking I was cute. Like the line “And I see that the dog gets fed,” used to get a chuckle. Anyway, thanks for the memories, sis!

My Two Favorite Songs

2007-01-31T10:39:00.000-08:00

Anyone who knows me knows me, knows I do not cry very often. However, there are several songs that either choke me up or actually bring tears every time I hear them. Here are my 2 favorites.
Third Day is my favorite band. I have all their CDs & have seen them in concert twice. I loved the song “Cry out to Jesus” the first time I heard it, but it was even more emotional to see them sing it in person in a packed stadium with the crowd singing along and raising their hands to worship. The song touches on issues of loss, addiction, marriage, & homelessness (I believe the tragedy of Hurricane Katrina inspired the song). Here are some of the words, “Cry Out To Jesus,” Words by Mac Powell: “There is hope for the helpless / Rest for the weary / Love for the broken heart /There is grace and forgiveness /Mercy and healing / He'll meet you wherever you are / Cry out to Jesus, Cry out to Jesus… When you’re lonely /And it feels like the whole world is falling on you / You just reach out, you just cry out to Jesus / Cry to Jesus.” “He’ll meet you wherever you are.” That says so much. Jesus is willing to embrace us w/ open arms no matter what we are going through, where we’ve been, or what we’ve done. I cannot express enough that His love is so unconditional that we cannot even fathom the true depth of just how far it goes. No love of any human (or animal!) will ever come close to comparing to how much He loves every single person, no matter what.
The next song got me through the nightmare at the police department (part of the story was told in Oct. 17 & 18 if you need to see it). It truly kept me grounded & reminded me not to blame God, but to cling to Him. The song is “Praise You in This Storm,” sung by Casting Crowns. Here are some of those lyrics. Words by Mark Hall: “I was sure by now, God You would have reached down / And wiped our tears away, /Stepped in and saved the day / But once again, I say amen / And it's still raining / As the thunder rolls / I barely hear You whisper through the rain, / "I'm with you" /And as Your mercy falls / I raise my hands and praise / The God who gives and takes away / And I'll praise you in this storm / And I will lift my hands / For You are who You are / No matter where I am / And every tear I've cried / You hold in your hand / You never left my side / And though my heart is torn / I will praise You in this storm… I lift my eyes unto the hills / Where does my help come from? / My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth.” Even when I’m angry or confused with God (as when facing Cosette’s illness & eventual death) I found that if I literally raised my hands during this song, that I felt peace. I’m getting choked up just typing this! Anyway, it’s amazing how praising God in spite of what we are facing will bring about hope even in what feels like a hopeless situation. And I love the honesty of the line “I was sure by now, God, You would have reached down… Stepped in and saved the day.” We often expect, almost demand God to fix things now, and he doesn’t always do so, or it may take a long time. What more can I say? Such a beautiful song and message.

This is Funny (Plus a trip down memory lane!)

2007-01-31T09:54:00.001-08:00

http://www.reverendfun.com/ This is a funny comic, especially if you've ever done bible sword drills. I remember doing them in Sunday School, and I usually did pretty well (seeing as how I memorized the orders of the books of the bible in a song when I was about 4 or 5). Which brings me to a funny story... Every once & a while my dad would preach on TV (it must have been a local station?) when we lived in Michigan. Well, one time my sister & I were asked to sing the books of the bible. Strangely enough, I got stage fright and refused to sing, so my sister elbowed me the entire time trying t get me to sing. I think we were 5 & 8 at the time. We actually sang together a lot up until she left for college. Good times!

One Dream Per Customer

2007-01-30T10:26:00.000-08:00

Ever notice how when one thing goes right in your life, how anything feels possible? Ever since I got my dream job of working for a vet, my other dreams suddenly seem reachable as well. Maybe when I’m at the clinic I’ll meet Mr. Right, and I’ll finally get married and can start having children. But then I turn back to my logical/realistic (or call it cynical!) senses, and think that we are all only allowed one dream to come true in a life time. If so, could I then find happiness now that I have the job I’ve always wanted? To be honest, I don’t know. I don’t think any career would ever fill the void in my heart of wanting to be a wife and mother. That does not in any way mean I am not ecstatic about the new job or extremely humbled and thankful to God for the amazing gift.
So when do we quit asking for blessings? It seems selfish to ask for more. Thanks God, but now I want… It’s like in the movie “Charlie & the Chocolate Factory,” when the spoiled little girl, Veruca, finally gets the golden ticket she insists her father find for her. When he presents her w/ the ticket, she does not thank him but instead coldly looks at him and says, “Daddy, I want another pony.” Yikes! I never want to be that girl!
So here’s the funny thing, just as I was finally done w/ all the edits of my novel (thanks in part to my moms help) making the last minute changes, and only 1 step away from sending it in to be copy written (thanks to my dad for offering to pay the fee), my computer disc that I had my novel saved on, “ate” my book (the whole thing disappeared from the disc). Sorry for the run-on sentence! I only have 10 chapters saved to the computer. So here I was, one step away from the dream of having my novel not only finally finished, but also copy written. Yet now, I have to re-type roughly 300 pages. So this takes me back to my “one dream at a time” question.
I know this is really long, but I’m almost finished. I do not believe God sits in heaven keeping track of how many blessings we receive and then either says, “No more for you,” or then takes one away to balance things out. I have heard many times over & believe that God is like any other kind father: He wants us to be as happy as we can possibly be. He wants to fill our cups to overflowing. So perhaps I still have a chance of getting married & having kids & perhaps I’ll even have the chance of submitting my novel to publishers and seeing it on a book shelf some day. But even if I lose my current job and no other dreams come true, I will always trust that God has my best interest in mind.

The photo is of the 2 book covers I made (even though I’ve only written 1 chapter to book 2). On the shelf are statues of animals that represent characters in the novels.

Create in me a Clean Heart

2007-01-29T14:19:00.000-08:00

Psalm 51:10-12 “Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me… Restore to me the joy of your salvation... “
I have one of those scripture verse card holders on my desk (I took a photo of it so you can see what it looks like). Psalm 51:10-12 was one of the verses last week. It got me to thinking what it really means to have a “clean” heart. The more I thought about it, I realized it is a perfect partner to Philippians 4:8, “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” In other words, I would say that having a clean heart would mean living a clean life not just in reality, but in your mind as well. I was going to then include the bible verse that says something like, “Whatsoever a man thinks in his heart, so is he,” but I cannot find it. However, that also fits with this run-on theme.
While living in a secular world, we are constantly bombarded with sexual & violent images. The easiest way to avoid this is to read a Christian review of a movie before seeing it and avoid the movies you know are going to be vulgar and/or violent. Another way simply involves pushing the button on your remote control to change the TV channel. I am not just preaching to the choir, I am guilty of violating Philippians 4:8. One of my favorite shows is “24.” Every episode has a disclaimer that viewer discretion is advised. I tend to change the channel when the scenes get too violent, but I then turn it back again b/c the stories are so compelling. That doesn’t make much sense, does it? Also I had a bad habit of when I went home for lunch of watching soap operas. Even if I turn away during a sex scene, I am still watching a show that promotes sex outside of marriage, and lots of it.
So for me, I went cold turkey on the soap opera issue about 3-4 weeks ago. It’s still hard to pick a good show w/o violence, especially since I am drawn to action/adventure stories. Perhaps I just need to read/write more.
Anyway, this long, drawn out column is just to remind me and any other readers, that God wants us to have a clean heart by dwelling on the pure & lovely things of this world. Only then can the rest of the verse in Psalm 51 come true, that the joy of salvation will be restored.

"Normal" Photos

2007-01-29T10:20:00.000-08:00

Jonah is w/ me. The scrubs are too big, so I got a smaller size after I took the photo, & Jonah needs a hair cut (maybe this week?), but he still looks cute! I call him my "Chunky Monkey" (like the ice cream) b/c he's small, but solid! I love the photo of Frodo; he almost looks regal! By the way, the shelf behind me has the pet memorial frames of Gidget, Bart, Jaydee, Amara, & Cosette (they barely fit) plus some dog statues. It looks crooked in the photo, but it's not (I don't think!).

Craziness Ensued, Part 2

2007-01-29T10:13:00.000-08:00

I hate the way my cheeks look so fat, but the camera doesn't lie. The dogs look cute though! The white dog is Kailee, the photo where the dog is on the right is Frodo & the one where the dog is on the left is Brejae'.

Craziness Ensued, Part 1

2007-01-29T09:52:00.000-08:00

I decided to take a photo of me in my new scrubs (as you can see), but after I took that one, I went a little crazy & took a bunch of photos w/ me & my dogs. They are a little crazy, but it was fun! These photos are mostly normal, but I will post more. The dog in these photos in Jonah.

Cross Stitch Projects, Part 3

2007-01-26T09:26:00.000-08:00

These are the pillows I made for my mom & sister. The snowmen were for my Aunt Paula this year for Christmas. And the Hanukah one was for my Mom & Frank this year (it has candles under the star and had a silver frame around the star & candles & was made w/ all metallic threads). I am also now working on a beautiful, but very complicated eagle & Indian (huge) x-stitch for my dad. I have tons of patterns at home. I obviously love stitching & they make such nice gifts (hopefully). Maybe one day I’ll actually make one for myself!

Cross Stitch Projects, Part 2

2007-01-26T09:10:00.000-08:00

The birds are another set of printed x-stitch pillows for my mom. I have shown the stockings before where I stitched the name of each animal on the fabric and then the fabric to the stocking. The pillow was the first of 3 that I made. This one was for my Grandma.

Cross Stitch Projects, Part 1

2007-01-26T08:54:00.000-08:00

Here are some photos of counted cross stitch projects I have done within the last 3 or so years. The fish is one I just finished last night; it's for Frank's b-day (this Sunday). As I'm trying to load the other photos not taken by my digital camera, I'm realizing that many of them are too light to see what the picture is, so I'll just load what I can. Anyway, the cats one is the first x-stitch I ever did; I gave it to my Grandma. The birds were a set of pillow cases for my mom, they were actually printed & not count cross-stitch (which I don't like to do b/c it's not challenging!)

A Good Change

2007-01-24T13:47:00.000-08:00

I just got done speaking w/ the owner of the company (of my current job) & she decided she could offer me a part time position afterall. The woman who does the filing will take over my position, & I will do the filing 2 days a week any where from 15-20 hours. Although I was looking forward to having those 2 days off, I am more grateful to have the extra income. And as the owner said, if I hate filing (it does sound boring!) then I can simply quit again! So, God has worked it all out for His and my good again. So now I'll just need to get myslef back on my feet financially & all will be okay! It still means I'll lose my blogging site as I won;t have my own desk any more, but the extra $ is the important thing!

Made to Love

2007-01-24T08:24:00.000-08:00

Here a re the lyrics to another song I really love. It’s one that makes me stop and remember why I’m here. As this song so greatly reminds us, we were put on this earth not to benefit us, but to glorify God and to show His love to others and honor His name. I am not here to spread the gospel of Julie Beth, but of Jesus Christ. It’s a great song to listen to when I’m feeling self-centered. It makes me feel humbled and blessed that I am here to love God and to be loved by Him! It also is a song to remind us to renew the fire in our belly. And it also reminds me of my favorite verses that I always mention, Jeremiah 29:10-12. Toby Mac is my favorite male artist (tied w/ Jeremy Camp), & I can’t wait for this album to come out next month! Hopefully these words will fill you with peace and joy!

Toby Mac - Made To Love, From the album "Portable Sounds"

The dream is fading now
I am staring at the door
I know it’s over cause my feet have hit the cold floor
Check my reflection, I ain’t feeling what I see
It’s no mystery
What ever happened to a passion I could live for?
What became of the flame that made me feel more?
And when did I forget…

Chours:
That I was made to love You
I was made to find You
I was made just for You
Made to adore You
I was made to love and be loved by You
You were here before me
You were waiting on me
And You said You’d keep me never would You leave me
I was made to love
And be loved by You

The dreams alive with my eyes open wide
Back in the ring You got me swingin’ for the grand prize
I feel the haters spittin’ vapors on my dreams
But I still believe
I ’m reachin’ out, reachin’ up, reachin’ over
I feel a breeze cover me called Jehovah
And Daddy I’m on my way…

Chorus:
Anything I would give up for You
Everything I give it all away

2 Weeks Notice (actually a little less)

2007-01-23T12:30:00.001-08:00

I am turning in my notice at my current job. I just found out that they will not let me stay here only 2 days a week. I am neither surprised nor upset. I was hoping for the extra income to help w/ bills, but even though it’s only 3 days a week the salary will be higher, so I won’t be losing any money. My last day will be Feb. 2. Since I do my blogging during my breaks at work, & I don’t have Internet access at home, that also means this is my notice that I will be leaving this blog behind on the same day. I’m more disappointed about that than leaving this job. It’s been very therapeutic for me to get my thoughts out. Of course I’ve been keeping a private journal for about 20 years, but it’s been nice hoping that I’ve inspired at least maybe 1 person. What I will miss the most will be keeping in touch w/ my SIS through our blogs. I guess it’s back to the old-fashioned form of writing for us! But it’s not today; I still have a little more time.
I am actually looking forward to only working 3 days a week. It will give me more time to work on my novel and other projects. My animals will be happy to have me home more often as well. I may still try to find another job on my days off, but it may be hard to find any one who would allow me to work only 2 days a week. But as my mom & I talked about, working at a vet clinic I could easily create clients who would pay me to feed their animals when they are gone and earn a little extra money that way.I am just so excited about starting my dream job in 13 days, that I think it would take a lot to get me down right now. This is silly, but I wish Cosette was here to share in my joy. I sort of feel like this job is for her & all my other animals before & after too & for all the people I will meet that I can hopefully comfort when they face the loss of a precious animal. Thanks again, God!

Rebirthing

2007-01-23T12:09:00.000-08:00

I’m not sure what the legalities are of posting song lyrics on a blog site, so hopefully it’s okay to post these. I really love this Skillet song. Skillet is what I guess you could call a hard Christian rock band. I love them b/c of the honesty of the lyrics. I have “Alien Youth” & “Collide”, but I don’t have the “Comatose” album yet, but I get to hear this song on the radio. Every time I hear this song it just makes me feel like singing as loud as I can (I usually do) b/c it evokes such loud emotion. It makes me feel like I am coming alive in Christ again every time these words hit my soul. I think as Christians we need to feel a rebirthing and feel renewed in faith. To feel that passion of wanting to give Christ all of us and rededicate our hearts all over again. To really understand what the line "breathe You in" means. Anyway, here are just some of the words. Really let them sink into your gut when you read them:

Skillet - Rebirthing/From the album "Comatose"

Chorus:
Rebirthing now
I wanna live for love, wanna live for You and me
Breathe for the first time now
I come alive somehow
Rebirthing now
I wanna live my life, wanna give You everything
Breathe for the first time now
I come alive somehow
Right now

Bridge:
Tell me when I’m gonna live again
Tell me when I’m gonna breathe You in
Tell me when I’m gonna feel inside
Tell me when I’m gonna feel alive

A Great Article by Frank

2007-01-23T08:50:00.001-08:00

http://messianictrucker.blogspot.com/2007_01_01_archive.html

Another Great Poem by Kaitlyn

2007-01-22T13:03:00.001-08:00

http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/purpleprincess/267841/Keep+Your+Eyes+on+The+Prise%21%21%21.html?#c495821

Dreams can Come True

2007-01-22T09:57:00.000-08:00

I got the veterinary technician job! I start 2 weeks from today. I honestly cannot remember the last time I could say that a dream of mine came true. I have wanted to be a vet tech for at least 10 years, and have wanted a job working w/ animals since I was a little kid. Every time I see a want ad for any kind of job at a vet, even a kennel attendant, I apply for it, but you can’t even get a receptionist position (who doesn’t deal w/ the animals as much) w/o experience in a vet office. In fact, in the roughly 10 years I have been putting applications out there, I have only had 4 job interviews (counting the current one) at a vet clinic, and they all said it is nearly impossible to get in the door w/o the experience. So how do you get it if they won’t hire you? So I feel this is at least a small miracle that I got hired as a vet tech w/o any experience. My dad asked if there was any opportunity to advance, but I had to explain to him that this is as high as I can get w/o a degree. It’s only 1 step down from being the actual vet (granted, it is a big step). I still don’t think he got why I was so thrilled to start off as a vet tech. But I am so excited & I can’t wait to start! My dad bought me my first 2 pairs of scrubs & my mom offered to buy me at least 1 more pair.
I am still waiting to see if my current job will let me stay 2 days a week or not. I sent out the proposal this morning, but I was told by the owner that she won’t make a decision until tomorrow. If I have to quit, then it will her own fault if I can’t put in a full 2 weeks notice. I think it’s a bit rude that she is forcing me to wait, & if I didn’t want the dual income, I’d just go ahead and resign now. But I’m reminding myself to be practical and just be patient!
I have obviously been thanking God like crazy since I got the job. I know He will give me the strength & smarts to make it through this gift of a job! “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.” - Matthew 7:7-8

Playing the Waiting Game

2007-01-19T11:05:00.001-08:00

I don’t really have anything profound to write about. I’m still feeling flu-ish, so my brain is still not functioning as well as it should.
As I mentioned a few days ago, I was called for a 2nd interview at a vet hospital on Wed. I got to do a lot of hands on work w/ the animals and also helped w/ menial tasks like mopping, laundry, and stocking supplies. The vet even had me call one of the labs & fill out paperwork for some blood work to be picked up. I feel like it went really well. The doctor told me he was impressed w/ the way I handled the animals and w/ how I was willing to get in there and work. His exact phrasing was that he was “tickled” w/ how well I did. I had a blast and I could perfectly see myself working there. I am supposed to know either today or tomorrow if I got the job. The hardest part is the waiting. I want this so bad. It truly is my dream job.
Very gratefully, I also found out that it will pay enough for me to quit my present job. I think I would like to stay a little longer though to double up my income for a while. There have been some not so nice things said/done to me & Sid in the last few days by the owner of the company that has me a bit angry, however. So I am also waiting to see if things improve here or not. Also, I don’t even know if they would let me work only 2 days a week.
There is a lot to wait for and I hate feeling like things are open-ended, especially in this case w/ one thing hinging on another, hinging on another; so my future is up in the air.
Oh, and back to that “pursuit of happiness” theme I’ve written about a few times. I really feel like w/ pursing this job that I am indeed also pursing my happiness, so if offered it, I will take it, even if I lose my current job.
So I stand by my favorite bible verse in Jeremiah 29, and I do believe that my future is in God’s hands. Now I just need to pray for patience and quit staring at the phone, hoping it will be the news I’ve spent at least 10 years waiting for.

And Still More Photos (Loving the new digital camera!)

2007-01-18T09:58:00.000-08:00

Dimitri (grey), Caspian (gold), & Oliver (white & grey)

Tributes to Amara & Cosette

2007-01-18T09:48:00.000-08:00

My step-dad, Frank, was in NY last week (I think I've mentioned before that he's a truck driver), and he was there for a few days so he got to see my Aunt Paula, Uncle Gordie, and my Grandma. My Grandma gave him the beautiful painting of the black cat to give to me. (I painted Amara's name on it.) She is very talented. I got the cat statue last week to put on Cosette's grave. I made a little beaded name collar for it that has her name on it. I have a couple of different statues in my back yard w/ beaded name necklaces for those animals that have died since I have been in my house (Paislee, Gidget, & Jaydee). I still need one for Bart & Amara. I was glad to have found a grey tabby cat, especially one w/ 4 white feet. Not glad, b/c I miss her so much, but you know what I mean.

Brotherly Love

2007-01-18T09:39:00.000-08:00

Aren't they sweet? That's Quentin on the left & his brother Caspian on the right. They are 6 years old. They were abandonded outside the court house when I was a dispatcher. They were only about 4 weeks old when I took them home. And, strangely enough, they came to me at about 3:00 a.m. on my birthday. So I always think of them as my b-day gift from God. Both of them are named after literary orphans who become kings. Quentin from the "Hall of the Dragon King" trilogy & Caspian from the "Chronicles of Narnia" series.

A Few More Photos (cats)

2007-01-16T08:59:00.000-08:00

Dimitri (grey), Belicia/Bella (calico), & MuLan (Siamese) (Even w/ the special no red eye affect on my camera, her beautiful blue eyes still turned out red!)

On the way to Burley

2007-01-16T08:33:00.000-08:00

I've been having a hard time posting photos, but I finally got these to load. I took these pictures on 01.06.07. I drove w/ my dad to Burley for his Civil Air Patrol conference to keep him company. It was a pretty drive, but a very cold & windy day! But it was nice spending the day w/ my dad chatting in the car there & back (it was about a 3 -hour drive each way).

Stay in the Boat

2007-01-15T10:00:00.000-08:00

I saw a really good sermon on TBN late Saturday afternoon by Bishop Darrel Hines. I’ll do my best to paraphrase what he talked about as well as imputting my own thoughts. I missed the first half, so this is as much as I heard: The sermon was on Matthew 14:22-36, when Jesus walked on the water. I’ve heard this story many times, but the bishop put a different spin on it. Keep in mind, he was wise enough to state this was all just his opinion and not necessarily the way it was; he was just adding a new theory to the story.
He pointed out that Jesus had ordered the disciples to go to the other side and he would meet them there. When Peter saw Him, Jesus did not tell Peter to get out of the boat, it was Peter’s idea, which is perhaps why his doubts took hold and he began to sink before Jesus caught him.
So here was Bishop Hines’ spin on things: sometimes our mission is to get to the other side. There we will accomplish our goals and only then can we do as the disciples did, minister to others. When we get side tracked and get out of the boat, we stray away from our path and our faith wavers. So if we stay in the boat and do as God intended us to do, then we will succeed in honoring Him. If we have gotten out of the boat, Christ is there to lend a helping hand to help us back in the boat so we can finish our mission and get back on track.
Due to being up last night w/ a fever, migraine, diarrhea, and vomiting, I’m still sick today, so I’m not doing a very good job of conveying the message the way the bishop did. His sermon really touched me, though. I feel like I have gotten out of the boat, or maybe missed it all together, and I have gotten off the path I was supposed to take. Perhaps this is why I am so frustrated w/ my life. I just now need to repent for allowing myself to become misguided and ask God to help redirect my path to where he wants me to be.
On that same theme, I have job interview #2 at a veterinary clinic Wednesday. I had the first interview on Saturday where I had to take a timed test. I obviously passed, so I’m on to round 2 where I will spend 3 hours at the clinic so they can see how I interact w/ the animals. I’m really hoping this all works out. It has been my dream for so long to work as a veterinary technician. So maybe I’m back in my boat afterall. The only hitch would be that it’s only 30-35 hours a week, so I would have to stay at my current job 2 days a week. I don’t mind staying, but I’m just not sure how flexible they will be w/ me only working part time. The first step would be getting the job then go from there. If it’s God’s will, I know it will all work out!

A Few More Photos (dogs)

2007-01-11T08:25:00.000-08:00

Here a few more from my new digital camera. It has a 2-second delay, so when I'm taking photos of animals, it can be a bit tricky to get them to sit still. That's why I have the funny close up of Breaje'. It's kinda cute though, so I didn't delete it. That's my mom on the couch w/ Frodo. I took that one on 01.07.07, Sunday.

Faith Lessons Learned from Amara& Dimitri: Part 2

2007-01-11T08:18:00.000-08:00

It was not until I went out of state for crime analysis training in Utah in November 2003 that I saw a significant turn around in Dimitri. I had been gone for 6 days, and when I came back at almost midnight and crawled into bed, I was very surprised to find Dimitri snuggling up next to me for most of the night. Little by little, Dimitri became more and more affectionate and less and less stand-offish. Especially when I again went out of state to visit my sister, he again grew closer to me. Dimitri truly followed the saying, “absence makes the heart grow fonder.” He continues to be a total snuggle bug and I adore his silly sense of humor. In the song I sing to him I call him my “wonderful, sweet boy.” (All my cats have their own short song that I wrote & I sing to them.) Faith Lesson: Sometimes it takes the absence of God in our lives to learn to appreciate what we had. Not that God will ever really abandon us, but there are times He feels distant. It is in these times we realize how good we have it and want it back. Just as I was quick to accept Dimitri’s change, God is quick to accept ours.
Although Amara grew more tolerant of me and even sometimes slept on my pillow and sometimes let me pet her, I still never heard her purr. I always worried if she was happy or if my house was just a place to live. At least I knew she loved her brother as they still played and snuggled together. I will never know if Amara was happy with me. April 27, 2006 was the last time I saw her. She went outside one morning and never came back. I placed an ad w/ her photo in the newspaper, and either mailed or physically placed flyers at every vet in my county and every animal shelter in Idaho and even some in Oregon. I do not believe she ran away from home b/c she was unhappy, I think she was either stolen or died. As with her brain injury, I will not know on this side of eternity what happened to her. Wherever she is, I pray she is at peace. Despite the fact that Amara and I did not have a close bond, I loved her very much and cried over her like crazy. I stayed up to midnight or later for at least a month sitting by the front door hoping she would come home. 8 ½ months later, I still hold out a little hope. Faith Lesson: As the parable in Matthew 18:10-14 tells us, God cares about even the 1 sheep that wanders off and will go after that sheep. Even though I still had 7 other cats at home (now 6), it did not mean I said, “oh well, one less mouth to feed.” Or cared any less b/c she didn’t love me the way the others do. I admit that I grieve over Cosette more than Amara or any other cat before or probably after (not intentionally), but God does not choose favorites. God does not grieve over the loss of one human soul more than another. He loves us all the same.
Note: When Amara went missing, Dimitri would sit outside on the stairs and meow for her and I would have to coax him inside. I know it was for Amara, b/c he never done such a thing before or since.

Faith Lessons Learned from Amara & Dimitri: Part 1

2007-01-10T09:03:00.000-08:00

I always wanted to write an essay on the faith lessons I learned from my cats Amara (black cat inside the kitty tower) & Dimitri (grey cat on the back of the chair). This is a long topic, so I will post it in 2 parts.
Amara and Dimitri are brother and sister. Amara came to me in April 2002. B/c Amara walked around the house crying a lot, I knew she missed her siblings, so I went back for Dimitri 2 weeks later. Neither kitten was terribly affectionate. In fact, when I tried to snuggle with them, they would scoot away from me and give me a, “Why are you bothering me?” look. It did not stop me from loving them. Faith Lesson: God never stops loving us, even when we pull away.
In July 2002, I came home from work and found Amara wedged between my computer desk and the wall. Her eyes were unfocused and she could not walk. I rushed her to the vet. I held her in my arms and cried while I sat in the waiting area. She was only 5 months old and so tiny. I remember thinking how much I loved her even though she had only been w/ me for 3 months and despite her aloof ways. To this day I do not know what happened to her, but she had some sort of brain injury. She stayed at the vet for 3 days until the swelling in her brain went down. Faith Lesson: God is willing to hold us in His arms and cry over us when we are injured. Amara was so out of it that I don’t know if she realized I was even there. Just as when we are so wounded we don’t realize God is by our side, but He is there nonetheless.
I never ceased trying to win the cats over and would still treat them as the other cats by hugging and kissing them. One day I picked up Dimitri, fully expecting him to protest, but to my surprise, he snuggled into my arms and began to purr. He was surprisingly content in my arms, and never asked to be put down. I think he would have stayed there all day if I had let him. That was a rare moment, however, and he continued to care less about me after that. Faith Lesson: In hopes that we will someday return His affection, God never ceases to reach out, waiting for the day we will relax in His arms and allow ourselves to feel peace.
To be continued…
Note: I got the name Amara from T.V. I was home sick one day from work & watching “Hollywood Squares.” It was kids’ week and one of the contestants was a cute little Asian girl named Amara. I thought it was a pretty name and wrote it down for future use in a book. It means eternal. Dimitri is named from Dimitri in “Anastasia.” And yes, there are characters in my novel named Dimitri Ivanov & Amara Manzanares.

Good Article

2007-01-09T15:35:00.000-08:00

http://backtothebible.org/bible_studies/articles/is_god_saying_no.htm
This is similiar to some thoughts on my blog. It's not anything I haven't heard before, but still worth a refresher to remind myself of the reason why things are the way they are some times.

My New Toy

2007-01-09T13:28:00.000-08:00

I got a digital camera for Christmas from my dad & Vickey. Here are a few pictures I've taken so far. I'll post more when I have time.
The cat locket was my Christmas gift to myself. Obviously I put photos of Cosette & Amara inside. The picture frame is Cosette's memorial (Amara, Jaydee, Gidget, & Bart have one too). I photographed the baby bottle b/c it was the one I fed her w/ when she was a tiny kitten, & the syringe on the other side of the frame was what I used to force feed her with when she got ill. I just found the parrallel interesting that I fed her in the beginning & the end.

Cynic vs. Realist

2007-01-09T13:20:00.000-08:00

My friend Sidney & I often disagree on the whether I am a cynic or a realist. For instance, when I say that the man I have a crush on will never ask me out, Sid says I am being a cynic, but I say I am being a realist. Statistically speaking, the majority of the men I have been interested in have not returned my feelings, so therefore, why would this guy be any different? So, you see, I am not being a cynic, but a realist!
As a Christian, am I being a realist or a cynic when I lack faith? For example my financial situation really bites right now. So if I look back at the pattern my life has taken and see that my finances have rarely been where they need to be, am I being logical by not trusting God? Yes, but I am also being a cynic by lacking the faith to believe in God’s provisions. I believe by seeing things as they usually tend to be is why I have such a hard time simply believing God will do things that seem impossible.
I am so logic-minded that two different instructors teaching 2 separate classes for the police department both told me that I have a very logical mind and they were both impressed by my line of thinking in the questions I asked them throughout the classes. Also, when I took an IQ test, the editorial portion of my results stated that I had high logical skills (which I think is the only reason my score was what it was, b/c I was able to figure out what I didn’t know). I list these examples not to brag, but to prove my point.
My logic makes it hard to accept God as not caring about the way things should happen, and that He is the God of the impossible. So maybe I should re-title this: “Faith vs. Logic.” It is my realism that keeps me grounded and keeps me from getting disappointed w/ life when things don’t go my way. But when that realism turns to doubt b/c I call it logic and refuse to see what God can do, then I become the cynic. Confused yet? Me, I think I’m finally seeing clearer now! As I write this, I’m having an epiphany on why I doubt God so much.
So how do I conclude this very open-ended subject? I guess just to remind myself to quit trying to limit God and remember that He doesn’t exist on my logical plane. He is so far above me that I can not come close to fathoming how His thought process works. And try to recondition myself to start actually walking by faith and not by sight/logic!

In His Perfect Will

2007-01-08T08:07:00.000-08:00

Well, it is now the second week into 2007 and I am finally posting. Actually I wrote this last week, but the Internet was down so I couldn’t post until today.
New Year’s resolutions seem to be the thought on a lot of people’s minds lately. I used to make them until I realized that I was making the same ones every year with little improvement. Read my bible more, read/write novels more, lose weight/exercise. The typical ones. It’s not that I don’t care about self improvement, but I can resolve to do these things every day of the year. I’ve heard that fitness clubs’ memberships drastically jump in January, but then drop almost as much again around March. Once people fail to meet their goals, they simply give up. I don’t want to be that person. If I fail, then it doesn’t mean I quit trying to succeed just b/c it’s past January or February.
The main things I want in life I seem to have little control of anyway. It all depends on what God wants for me and how many doors He is willing to open. I want to be married, but if he says no, then no matter how hard I “resolve” to be more courageous in going after a man I have a crush on, then I will never succeed. But that’s what I want anyway. No, not to fail, but to live only within God’s will. To be content w/ the life He has designed for me. However, as I posted on Dec. 6, I must also actively pursue my own happiness and not just passively sit by expecting God to hand me my life on a silver platter. As easy as it is for me to say, “If God truly wants me to be married then He’ll just drop the perfect man off on my doorstep,” I also know how unrealistic that is (at least for me). It can be tricky to find the right balance. This is why I need to remember to pray every day that I live and exist only in God’s perfect will for my life and that no one (including me) close or open any doors God does not wish to be open or closed.
So I will not make any new year’s resolutions, so to speak, just to be as open as possible to all God has planned for me. Only then will I find peace.

A Great Article by my SIS

2006-12-29T10:38:00.000-08:00

Thanks, sis, for including this link in your comments to your blog from last year. It is an excellent article and awesome advise. For all others who read my blog, this is a MUSt read: http://homeschoolblogger.com/quietcajun/61928

The Way to a Happy New Year (not written by me)

2006-12-29T10:32:00.000-08:00

The Way to a Happy New Year
To leave the old with a burst of song;
To recall the right and forgive the wrong;
To forget the things that bind you fast
To the vain regrets of the year that’s past;
To have the strength to let go your hold
Of the not worthwhile of the days grown old;
To dare go forth with a purpose true,
To the unknown task of the year that’s new;
To help your brother along the road,
To do his work and lift his load;
To add your gift to the world’s good cheer,
Is to have and to give a Happy New Year.
- Author Unknown

Ecclesiastes 3

2006-12-27T11:23:00.000-08:00

Ecclesiastes 3:4, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance.
Right now I am in the midst of mourning & weeping. I know most people get impatient w/ sorrow and except you to be fine a day or 2 later, especially when they can’t understand how precious a cat can be. Although I feel awfully self-centered for not using my blog for the purpose I started it, to encourage others, I need to wallow for a while. So I probably won’t write as much right now, and when I do, I am very certain it will have a more-than-usual cynical edge to it. Although my heart is broken, and I fight tears all day and night, my walk w/ God remains the same. Unless cats go to heaven, I will miss Cosette forever, but my heart will eventually heal. In the meantime, I will do my best to reflect the love of God when I do write, and not dwell on me.

New Year’s Resolution Article

2006-12-27T11:07:00.000-08:00

I don’t actually make New Year’s resolutions, but this is a good article with some good advice on how to improve your Christian walk: http://vsb.gospelcom.net/Newyearsres.html It's a little long, so I just skimmed it, but I still think it's worth at least a qiuck glance!

The Pursuit of Happyness

2006-12-26T12:29:00.000-08:00

I saw the new movie “The Pursuit of Happyness” (purposely spelled wrong), on Friday w/ my friend Cheryl. The previews do not do the movie justice. It is such a moving and inspirational story. I saw both Will Smith & his son Jaden on Oprah a couple of weeks ago, so I already knew what was going to happen, but I still got choked up twice and actually had tears at the end. The title has to do with the Declaration of Independence phrase, and the main character, Christopher Gardner, takes it a step farther by saying that we must literally pursue happiness in order to achieve our dreams. We must not give up no matter what anyone else says or believes.
I have felt this way for a long time as well. Although God is very great and good, He does not hand us our dreams on a silver platter (at least not in my case, for some this is the case). We have to be proactive and work for what we want For me the hardest part is that I have worked so hard for many of my dreams only to fall short and to not have achieved a single one. Yet, after seeing this movie, I feel much more inspired. If a man as down and out as Christopher could obtain his goal with so little, then what is my malfunction? I need to reevaluate my life as well as my strategies. Of course, no matter how hard we try, we may continue to fail if what we want is not in God’s will. So hopefully my goals line up with His!
P.S. I also saw the movie “The Nativity Story” this weekend. It was very beautifully made. I thought the actress who portrayed Mary lacked personality (not that she was a bad actress, I just would have liked to have seen more emotion, especially when she was visited by Gabriel), but Joseph came across as a man you would expect to be the human father to Christ. He was generous, gracious, humble, and tender-hearted.

The Psychology of Christmas Cards

2006-12-22T11:21:00.000-08:00

One of my favorite parts of Christmas is getting cards. You learn a lot about a person by the card they give and what the season means to them. Even if the person isn’t so-called “religious,” but their card has a “religious” message, to me this means they at least acknowledge that Christ came to this earth as a baby and may even go to church once and a while, or at least on Christmas. Other cards show that they simply see Christmas as a time to exchange gifts if their card has a present on it and inside whishes that you get all you want. Or maybe it’s just a cute picture of a baby or animal. Christmas to them is warm and fuzzy. What if there is a snow scene of some kind? Then I think it’s about having fun in the snow. What about those w/ no Christmas picture at all, but maybe a symbol of peace such as a dove? Then they see this time of year as a great opportunity for spreading peace and good will to all.
I am partly being sarcastic here by over-analyzing the psychology of Christmas cards. But it really does bring to mind what kind of Christmas card we want to be. I hope my message says I am not materialistic, I do love the beauty of snow (just don’t like to drive in it), I want peace for all, and I also believe Jesus is the main focus of the reason for the season (that’s obvious by now!).
P.S. Just a funny note on my overly logical mind. Sidney and I always joke that it seems we are more logical than most, so we decided we are the Spocks and others are the tribbles. (That will only be funny if you watched the original Star Trek show!)
I’m sure I won’t blog again until at least the 26th, so Merry Christmas, may your heart be merry and light (even when it feels sad and heavy)! May your days be Mary and Bernal (spelling?), and may all your Christmases be eternal! – Remember that, s..i.s?

The Reason for the Season

2006-12-21T08:10:00.000-08:00

I had the privilege of hearing my dad preach Saturday evening. It was at a Romanian Assembly of God church. It was interesting b/c the entire service was in Romanian. So my dad and I each had someone offer to sit by us and interpret. And when my dad spoke, the pastor translated for him. It made me think that Christians are all translators of the gospel for those who do not understand. We better make sure we get the interpretation correct!
My dad’s message was excellent (he is the best preacher). He interspersed his message with reading Matthew & Luke in telling of the birth of Christ. He pointed out all the ways this story was truly a supernatural and miraculous event: the virgin birth, the angels appearing to the shepherds (who were considered the commoners), and the star that lasted for several months to lead the wise men to Christ. As well as the perfect symbolism of the gifts of the magi. The gold showing He is a king, myrrh representing that He is a healer and also symbolizing Christ’s death and resurrection, and frankincense is an aromatic oil that can be used to calm anxiety, which shows He is the Prince of Peace. These were all good reminders of why Jesus’ birth was so incredible.
Also, a big part of my dad’s sermon had to do with the fact that the Christian Christmas is in jeopardy. Even at a school in Tennessee there was a lawyer present to make sure the children could sing “O little Town of Bethlehem” w/o crossing any legal boundaries! Plus how it has suddenly become offensive to say “Christmas” and it has been reduced to “Happy Holidays.” He encouraged us to stand up for the Christ of Christmas and not be afraid to remind others of the reason we celebrate Christmas to begin with. I will never be ashamed to say “Merry Christmas” or to send the message of God’s love to my all of my co-workers this or any time of year (as I do every year in the form of a “religious” letter, no matter where I work)! And I really don’t care when He was born, b/c, in my opinion, it’s just semantics, and all that matters is that we choose to honor Christ’s birth and take full advantage of this time of year to share Christ’s love! And then continue that message throughout the year, and not forget all about witnessing on December 26!

I want a hippopotamus for Christmas!

2006-12-20T10:52:00.000-08:00

You have to take the time to listen to this. It is the funniest song ever! My mom & I started a tradition about 8 years ago to try & find a hippo for each other for Christmas/Hannukah. I just found hers today. It's pretty funny to ask someone at the story if they have any hippos. They look at you like you just asked for a hippo! Anyway, here's the link: http://www.minibite.com/christmas/hippo.htm

What is your Identity?

2006-12-20T10:29:00.000-08:00

There is a new game show called “Identity.” There are 12 people on the stage and the contestant has to pick from a list of identities and match it to the “strangers” (as they are referred) on stage. Some are really obvious such as a sumo wrestler who is dressed as such, or when the only one on stage wearing cowboy boots and hat is the champion bull rider. The others get more complicated as trying to guess which is the heart transplant recipient or the preacher’s kid.
Of course this got me to thinking, what if I was on that show? What would my identity be and would I be able to fool the contestant? Then of course (as my sister and dad know) there is a sermon in everything, so I saw the spiritual significance in this. When others look at me, can they see my most important identity: a child of Christ? Do I easily come across as a Christian by my words and actions? If not, I need to seriously work on my attitude and make sure that my light shines to all who try to guess my identity.

Thank you, Cheryl

2006-12-15T15:13:00.000-08:00

I still don’t have the heart to want to write about Cosette’s death, and I don’t feel it’s something that needs to be documented here anyway. However, I would like to acknowledge my friend Cheryl’s involvement. I could not get a hold of my dad at any of his phone numbers and my mom had lost her key to her shed & wanted me to wait until tomorrow to bury Cosie. But when Cheryl called, and w/o me telling her anything was wrong she quickly heard it in my voice and asked what was wrong. When I told her Cosie had died and I didn’t even have a shovel to bury her, she did not hesitate and said she was on her way. Despite her major back trouble she even helped dig the grave.
I’m not trying to put down my parents: my dad later called and profusely apologized for not getting my messages, and my mom & Frank came to help Cheryl & I dig the grave. But Cheryl was the only one who was instantly there and did not hesitate to come over. Even though I thanked her, I don’t know if she realizes how much this act of kindness meant to me.
Once again, I am not trying to put anyone down for not being there when needed (I apprecaite what I got), just acknowledging Cheryl’s pure act of kindness and friendship. I will not forget it.

Here are Some More

2006-12-15T14:29:00.000-08:00

Quentin (the gold cat) has such a sweet expression in that photo. His nickname is "Sweet Baboo," b/c he is such a loving boy. Kailee(the dog) looks sad in the photo, but so snuggly. And Oliver looks like a king surveying his kingdom. He looks quite beautiful. I wish I had a digital camera instead of just a photo disc so I could crop and zoom in. Both of the cat photos would look nice closer up.

New Photos

2006-12-15T14:19:00.000-08:00

Here are some new photos. I wish I had the ones of Frodo & Jonah when I entered the dog photo contest. I don't want to go back & start over at this point. As you can see, I have a crowded bed at night. They don't usually all sleep there at once, but at least 2-3 dogs and at least 2-3 cats. I wouldn't have it any other way (except to have Cosette back, of course). The one of Jonah in the tunnel shows how silly he is. It's a cat tunnel that my cats like to play in. Jonah tries to play inside and doesn't quite fit, so he'll get in as far as he can and squeak his toys while inside. He's a goofball!

Random Ramblings

2006-12-14T10:45:00.000-08:00

Trees lose their leaves and become ugly, but will eventually be beautiful again. So we must also go through an ugly phase in life to again be beautiful. Of course I am not referring to outer, but inner beauty.
Life is often a windy, rocky road that takes more effort to climb than we want to make. When we get to the other side we are dirty, exhausted, and frustrated. But if we look over our shoulder, we will be amazed at how far we came. The circumstances may not have changed even one iota, but our hearts and souls have changed. Maybe not for anyone else to see, but we know it, and more importantly, God knows it.
My brain is still in a fog since Cosette died, so I don’t really have much more to say, and I’m not really being clear to what I’m trying to convey all that’s in my heart, but here it is anyway.

Amazing Talent

2006-12-14T10:44:00.000-08:00

Check out this girl's art work. It will leave you speechless.
http://www.artakiane.com/akiane_art.htm#

Some Photos of my SIS's family

2006-12-13T13:51:00.000-08:00

Oops, they all came out sideways, and I don't know how to fix it. The family is: Christina, Russ, Kaitlyn (14), Jordan (12), Ian (11), Noah (9), & Hannah (6). My sisiter took those photos w/ her digital camera. Gorgeous family on the inside as well as the out!

Happy Birthday x2

2006-12-13T11:50:00.000-08:00

Happy 57th birthday, mom!
Happy 11th birthday, Ian!
May God bless your special days!

My sister sent me a bunch of family photos with a photo disc, so I can add pics to my blog. That's my nephew Ian w/ their dog, Quimby. He's the above-mentioned b-day boy.

So, THANKS S.I.S. for the photos, disc, and the great gift of the photo calendar!

In Loving Memory of Cosette

2006-12-11T08:41:00.000-08:00

Cosette succumbed to her illness Friday. I don’t have to heart to write about it, but just want to say that I promise to love you forever, Cosette, and miss you more than I can bear.
(If you noticed my tribute to Bart on Friday, they have the same date, December 8, as the day they died. Also, she is the 4th animal I have lost in 2 years.)

Those are the last 2 photos taken of her. You can see in her expression that she was not well (her eyes are so yellow due to her jaundice). I didn't take any photos during her worst stages of illness b/c I didn't want to capture her looking so awful (even though my mind will never forget).

Untitled (Last Poem)

2006-12-08T09:14:00.000-08:00

Here’s the last poem. Once again, I haven’t done a lot of poetry writing from 2002 until now b/c of my time spent on my novel. In fact after this one, I don’t think I wrote any others until the three I posted on my blog in October.
This particular poem was written for a friend that gets depressed quite often. One day when I was praying for her, God gave me this poem. I have never written a poem so quickly or easily before or since. It’s also the only poem I chose not to title. I don’t know why.

Untitled 2005 (age 33)
Depression
Has settled in,
How can she
Tame such a Beast
That devours life’s joy?
With teeth and claws
That scratch and bite,
And a forked tongue
That whispers hate and deceit,
And purrs sweet nothings
To make her believe
Its treacherous lies

Redemption
Has paid the price
To kill the Beast
And set her free;
With nail-pierced hands
That comfort and heal,
And eyes of peace
Full of hope and love,
And words of truth
To bless with joy,
And a pure heart
Full of mercy and grace

In Memory of Bart

2006-12-08T08:48:00.000-08:00

I lost Bart, a poodle-mix, 2 years ago on December 8, 2004. He was rescued from the animal shelter in 1990. He was originally supposed to be a wedding gift for my sister and her husband, but their apartment would not allow dogs (actually my bro-in-law, Russ is the one whoi named Bart after Bart Simpson). Their loss was my great gain. Bart was with me for 14 years (he was 17 when he died). He was sweet, funny, loving, smart, and a great friend. He loved to be everywhere I was. He had to sleep right next to my side while I slept. Unfortunately for him, I toss a lot in my sleep, but he turned every time I did. My cats all fell in love with Bart’s gentle nature as he became sort of a surrogate father to them. My cat Caspian snuggled with Bart almost as much as Bart snuggled with me. He searched for Bart for several weeks after his death and would walk around the house “crying” – meowing - for him. I will never stop missing Bart and cherish every day I had him in my life. I grieve the loss of him as anyone would grieve the loss of any family member. I believe it will always hurt to think of the day he died. I don’t feel like writing about it here, but it was a horrible day that will always haunt me. (Just looking at these photos got me choked up.)
I don’t theologically know for sure if animals go to Heaven. So, wherever you are, Bart, be at peace. (Sorry so many photos, but I couldn’t choose just 1.)

Bunch of photos (part 2)

2006-12-07T14:22:00.000-08:00

Gidget & Bart (both deceased( were mine) & Julie is me! The rest of the cats are all mine. Caspian & Quentin were in the last set of photos, but these were revised as I added black to thier whiskers.

A Bunch of Photos (part 1)

2006-12-07T14:11:00.000-08:00

Cookie & Cappy are my mom's dogs & Quimby is my sis's; Jaydee (deceased) & Kailee are mine.

Brandy (deceased) & Zoe are dad's dogs; Caspian & Quentin are mine and Yonni is my mom's.

Here are a bunch of photos of the ornaments I made in 2003 for all my animals & also the ones I made for family. I also made one for my then boss for her dog & one for Cheryl's dog, but I didn't take photos of them. I later made one of Frodo & MuLan when they came to live w/ me, and one for my mom's cat Simcha, but they are not in this set of photos. I ran out of ornaments to decorate by the time Bre & Jonah came, so they just have cheap foam ones that I put beads on.

Amara (deceased), Dimitri, & Belicia are mine.

Designed by God

2006-12-07T13:38:00.000-08:00

Okay, here’s another huge gap. This time it’s 4 years. It was an okay time in my life. I was probably too busy and tired working all the crazy shifts at the police department. I did write a few poems during this time, but nothing spiritual, other than “Carole’s Song” in 2002 that I previously posted (on Oct. 23). Most of the poems were either crush-related (there were 3 during that time span) or just observations of life. Also, I think the reason I didn’t write so much from about 2002 until now is b/c I have been more involved in writing my novel in my spare time rather than writing poetry.

Designed by God 2003 (age 31)
People ask me
If it is hard to live alone,
But I have never been afraid
To spend time with myself;
Since I was a child,
I would spend hours in solitude,
Imagining and creating stories;
My mother tells me,
Entertaining myself,
Was a habit I acquired
At a very young age;
It is how I know this is whom I am meant to be;
For the book of Psalms
Tells me I was designed by God,
While still in my mother’s womb;
God planned the child, teenager, and woman
I would grow to be;
God knew I would be alone,
So he gave me a gift with animals,
A reverse of Adam, so to speak - -
He made them for my companionship.
So yes, I know God created the path I will travel;
I was meant to remain unmarried,
To be content sharing my home
With only animal companions.
And I am satisfied with my life as is,
Because it is what God chose for me.

The Journey of my Life & Isaiah 40:31

2006-12-07T09:04:00.000-08:00

Here is another gap in my poetry. This time I did write quite a bit of poetry in 1998. I wrote at least 14 poems in less than 2 years for a man I was seriously infatuated with. If ever I have been in love, it was with him. But I digress as I am not writing of him, I am explaining another gap. This is not to say my spirituality lacked during this time, in fact it was a time of my life where God taught me a lot about feeling compassion for those I was having difficultly with, but my creative energy was wrapped up more in him than in HIM.

The Journey of my Life 1999 (age 27)
My journey began some time ago,
And I seem to have been on it for a lifetime;
The road at times goes in circles,
Or goes no where at all,
But I plod along,
Trying to end up somewhere…
Anywhere that’s not here;
Sometimes I stand still,
Not able to move –
Either by way of weakness or stubbornness,
But not wanting to continue;
But I know I must,
I know something better waits for me,
There must be more than merely existing,
To feel breath in my lungs not accompanied by a sigh,
To not think of heaven as merely an escape from earth,
To believe God when He says He has plans for my life;
But that is the point,
I think,
Of this journey –
If I can continue to live life as it exists now,
But with the knowledge that it’s not over,
And with the hope that something better could be in my next step,
Then this journey has meaning,
And, therefore, so does life

Isaiah 40:31 1999 (age 27)
“But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength…”

I have become quite good at waiting,
Waiting to look my age,
Waiting for a job to make me happy,
Waiting to be married and have children;
My strength is only renewed
When I remember that God is in control of my future,
Only His guidance will pull me through

“They shall mount up with wings as eagles…”

I haven’t yet learned to fly,
But my wings grow stronger every day
As my faith grows,
And I fully begin to accept
That God is in control,
Only then do I feel the wind beneath me
As I soar on the mercy of Christ.

“They shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.”

It is hard not to grow weary of this world,
Of the selfishness,
Of the violence,
Of the hate,
But I have found myself enduring,
Wrapped in the security of Christ,
And His everlasting love

To tree or not to tree?

2006-12-06T11:35:00.000-08:00

Okay, corny title. But Christmas trees seem to be a controversial issue to Christians lately. Are they pagan or not? Well, I am one for researching the heck out of anything I am curious about. I like to read several articles from several sources rather than believe just one. Call me skeptical, but I tend to think this as practical (b/c I don’t automatically believe everything I’m told)! Anyway, I actually did my research about 3 months ago knowing Christmas was not that far off. Here is what I found: Yes, pagans used to worship trees as part of their “winter solstice” celebration. They even murdered people under these trees to appease their gods. But here’s the thing, it was oak trees, and it had nothing to do with Christmas. The actual Christmas tree for Christmas’ sake is a tradition begun in Europe during the middle ages. The decorations were apples, wafers, pastries, and other symbols used to represent the Eucharist. A German monk in the seventh century chose the triangular shape of the tree to symbolize the trinity, and referred to it as “God’s tree.” After this is was brought to America where fruits, nuts, candy, and flowers were added, and eventually blown glass. Brining trees indoors and lights were added by Martin Luther to symbolize the light of Christ (I don’t actually like Martin Luther due to the fact he was a very hateful anti-Semite, but this is not my point today). So the pagan Winter Solstice tree was for a different purpose than the Christmas tree.
Another reason fir trees are used: there is a story that says that while Mary, Joseph, and baby Jesus were fleeing Herod, they stooped by a fir tree to hide and rest. Supposedly baby Jesus then blessed the tree. They say if you cut open a pine cone lengthwise, that you can still see what looks like a hand print. Also: when Saint Boniface saw pagans worshiping an OAK tree, he became angry & cut it down. A FIR tree grew in its place. The “saint” told the pagans that this tree was a tree of Christ and that it symbolized His promise to the world of eternal life.
As long as your tree is not your idol then I don’t believe God would be offended by it. I have many warm childhood memories with my family decorating our tree. My sister and I used to get to open an early gift of an ornament when we put up the tree. It was a bonding family moment, which I believe God was pleased with. I love the warm and cozy glow Christmas lights bring to a darkened room; it still feels a little “magical.”
(The photo was taken in 2004. I’m not putting a tree up this year due to my crazy dogs I know would knock it over.)

John 1:5

2006-12-06T10:24:00.000-08:00

You may notice the 2-year gap between this and my last poem. I went an entire year, 1995, w/o writing a single poem, and only wrote 4 in 1996. This was during a rough time in my life. I didn’t do much of any kind of writing (including any novels). Often a broken heart makes for some great and profound writing, but my heart was too angry and bitter to produce much at that time. Thank God I made it through to the other side.

John 1:5 1997 (age 25)
The darkness may not understand the Light,
But the Light desires to break through,
Piercing the heart of mockery;
Even if just a crack of Light makes way,
Perhaps a change will occur,
Or perhaps the confusion of the Light in the dark
Will make the blackness much colder,
And the Light will be forced out even more so,
For not understanding why the Light strives to overcome the dark
Brings about a misdirected anger,
Grasping to understand, but remaining confused;
Not understanding the war within,
Struggling to break free from the suffocating darkness,
But not yet willing;
For if the dark has never experienced a cleansing heat,
The intrusion it feels wants to annihilate the Light,
And never again be forced to look at things through bright eyes;
But the Light will come again,
For it will forever exist,
And it will not cease to attempt to penetrate the dark,
For the Light never loses strength, and sends fear into the dark’s soul,
So that the dark will never forget that the Light was there,
And the memory of the warmth will remain

“And the Light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it.” – John 1:5

Want to go crazy?

2006-12-05T16:35:00.000-08:00

Want to drive yourself insane? Try this game. My highest score so far is: 1,140.
http://www.hurtwood.demon.co.uk/Fun/copter.swf

Philippians 4:13 & Worthy

2006-12-05T08:06:00.000-08:00

Philippians 4:13 1994 (age 22)
God, help me,
I can barely find the strength to breathe,
There is so much weighing on my soul,
And I fear this time it’s there to stay;
Give me strength, sweet Jesus,
I cannot do this without You;
I feel like I will fall if You let go,
Please hold me tighter,
I need You!
Don’t let me give up, Lord,
It would be so easy;
Don’t let me cease to believe in You,
For I feel my doubts are stronger than I am,
They are pulling me so hard,
I feel I am drowning!
O, Heavenly Father, save me,
Don’t let me lose sight of Your love,
Pull me up from despair;
Don’t let me give into disbelief;
Make me trust in You more;
I know I have pushed You away,
But I’ve always known I’ve needed You;
Let me come to You, dear Savior,
I feel I can no longer burden You,
But I need You once again;
I hope I will never stop needing You,
For without You I am weak,
But through Your strength,
I can do all things!

“I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.” – Philippians 4:13

Worthy 1994 (age 22)
I wasn’t worldly enough for Ami,
I didn’t drink, smoke, or dance;
Though once best friends,
We are now strangers in far away worlds

I wasn’t beautiful enough for RQ,
I yearned for him,
But I wasn’t important to him,
And my lips will never know the feel of his

I wasn’t dependent enough upon my mother,
I didn’t cling to her apron strings,
So my existence was ignored,
And my feelings were trampled

I wasn’t decisive enough for my father,
I couldn’t choose my future fast enough,
So he left me behind,
And cried bitterly when we parted

I wasn’t sinful enough for Jesus Christ,
I was too broken and afraid;
He only held me tighter,
And promised that I’d always be worthy in His sight

Too much interpretation? (Do not read unless you are prepared for an honest – and long - ranting session that is sure to offend some.)

2006-12-04T14:00:00.000-08:00

Just how much interpretation of the bible is too much? I think thorough study of the bible is imperative to a Christian’s walk, but I also believe some people get carried away. When words that aren’t actually written are being interpreted as “reading between the lines” I think this gets dangerous. Deuteronomy 4:2 says, “Do not add to what I command you and do not subtract from it, but keep the commands of the Lord your God.”
I’ve been around a lot of people who add meaning to the scripture that’s not there and then, instead of simply stating that they are merely theorizing (which is okay) they now proclaim this to be truth! It especially gets dangerous when someone says, “God told me so.” Then why isn’t God revealing the same thing to everyone? Are you saying you are more important than everyone else who reads their bible? Why not be honest and say it’s an idea you had instead of bordering on being offensive by putting words in the Creator of the Universe’s mouth? Not that God doesn’t reveal special and private things to some, but just be careful what you say came from God and not just came from your gut! Don’t twist your fleshly ideas to make God conform to you. And don’t forget that Stan is the Father of Lies and loves to confuse Christians.
In case anyone is wondering what has prompted my soap box issue, it’s b/c I was reading a friend of a friend’s blog, and she was insisting that the bible commands women are to stay home whether they have children or not, and that women can only be called to the ministry if their husband is called! I was not going to be disrespectful and argue w/ a teenager (who is a stranger to me), but this made me very angry and very sad! In essence, she is saying that I am unbiblical b/c I’m not staying home to tend to my house, even though I have to work since I am single. And so are other women who either have to or choose to work outside the home. Also, who is anyone to say God doesn’t call women to be single or to the ministry? I pity her for thinking that women are inferior to men. No one can truly be happy if they believe themselves inferior to anyone. Besides God calls each person on an individual basis. My sister is blessed to be called to be home w/ her children. I, however, have been called to be single so I can be there to comfort the lonely people in my life. Does that mean that God loves me any less b/c he has not called me to motherhood? Or is angry w/ me b/c I don’t stay home? And why must women be 1 thing or the other. Every human is multi-facted and can be many things at once.
This brings me back to the whole “command” issue. The bible was inspired by God, yes, but was written by human hands, and therefore, is based on human suggestions. We know their words are based on Godly morality issues so that we might live a pure life pleasing to God based on the actual commands God gave to Moses. Unless the bible specificially uses the words “command,” most words are a human’s thoughts and opinions. Or if God or Jesus were actually speaking and the words are quotes from the Almighty’s lips. When Paul sates in 1 Corinthians 7 that it is good for a man not to marry, he is merely expressing his thoughts, not saying God is making this a command. Paul was always very clear in stating “I, not the Lord,” am saying… or “The Lord, not I." He is not saying marriage is wrong any more than the thought in 1 Corinthians 11:15 that says long hair is a woman’s glory means that women are commanded to not cut their hair. I could go on and on.
It makes me sad that people can’t just read the bible and enjoy the fullness as written rather than tear it apart word by word. (And, yes, I believe “as written” means in the original Hebrew for the actual translation, but I don’t believe a different version destroys the message.) It wasn’t meant to be cryptic so that only the scholars could understand the “true” meaning. The bible says God is no respecter of persons, which mean the bible was meant for us all to read and understand, and that no man is better than any other man or woman! And, yes, it’s just my OPINON, and I would not be so arrogant to state my thoughts as facts! (Not that I think that little girl was being arrogant, I just wish she didn’t see her views as fact. It makes me think she must think that God does not love women as much as He loves men and it makes me sad.)
I think the whole purpose of the bible was to encourage us as well as being a guide to what is right and wrong. As long as we are doers and not just hearers of the word, and live a pure and holy life, I think that is much more important than trying to tear apart every word in the bible to create new meaning from it. As the bible says, it is important to study God’s words, but the wisest man ever to live states in Ecclesiastes 12:12-13, “Be warned, my son, of anything in addition to them. Of making many books there is no end, and much study wearies the body. Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter: Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man.” That verse perfectly wraps up everything I am trying to say.
If I offend any, it was not my intention, but this is my blog to voice my views and I will always do so. Feel free to disagree or agree in the comment section, fort I believe in respecting others’ opinions and ideas, even when I don’t agree.

Because of Men

2006-12-04T11:22:00.001-08:00

Because of Men 1994 (age 22)
Because of men,
Women go weak in the knees,
They write enough poetry to fit into a book,
They cry and feel pain,
And make fools of themselves

Because of men,
Women settle down to marry,
They learn to cook and clean,
They become mothers
And begin a happy home

Because of men,
Women get divorced,
They want everything to belong to them;
They yell and scream,
They learn to hate

Because of mankind,
Jesus dies upon a cross,
He wrote them a love story as long as a book,
He cried and felt pain,
He let them make Him look like a fool

Because of mankind,
Christ rose from the dead,
He returned to heaven,
He prepared a place for them,
He offers a happy home

Because of mankind,
People turn away from God,
They forget His love,
And remember only their cruelties

True Happiness & Judgment Day & The Voice

2006-12-04T08:25:00.000-08:00

True Happiness 1994 (age 22)
I have discovered happiness is surreal;
There is no real joy in this world,
Pain lurks around every corner,
Ready to drag another victim down

If only I look past worldly boundaries,
I can see a brighter Light,
A Light that dims the sun,
And where there is never any darkness

I reach for that Light,
Though I am uncertain what it brings,
For I know it is Jesus Christ,
And His peace is all I need to know

If only I will let Him lead me,
And use only desires He gives to me,
Then His happiness will bring comfort,
And this world’s pleasures won’t mean a thing

Judgment Day 1994 (age 22)
When all is said and done,
And I stand before my Lord,
He will not ask me of my wealth,
Nor will He ask about my successes,
He does not care whether I wore the proper fashion,
For this world will fade away;
What my God really wants to know
Is if I truly loved Him with all my heart;
Did I desire His perfect will for my life
And seek His guidance with fervent prayer?
Am I practicing all I read in His holy word,
Or am I a hearer only?
Am I a quiet witness,
Do I shout His name in the streets,
Or do I pretend He means nothing to me?
When I meet my Jesus face to face,
And bow in fear and reverence,
I want Him to know that He is everything to me,
And that I tried to be everything for Him

The Voice 1994 (age 22)
So many frustrations in my life,
So many hardships to bear,
Yet a peace encloses my heart,
And a Voice gently tells me not to fear

My senses come alive as the Voice speaks;
I have heard that sound before;
The soothing Voice calms my anxieties;
It is my dearest friend, my Lord!

A Quick Note to my SIS

2006-12-01T10:57:00.000-08:00

S.I.S, Hey just wondering what your family wants for Christmas? Is there a specific game (electronic or board) that you all want? Or would you prefer cash or a gift certificate? Or something else? THANKS!

Mercy & My Prayer

2006-12-01T08:12:00.002-08:00

Mercy 1993 (age 21)
I sit alone to talk to You,
But words are so hard to come by;
I want to speak of my love for You,
But You are so hard to comprehend;
You surrendered Your dignity to be nailed to a tree
For all the world to see;
How can I put such an act into words?

In all Your majesty and glory, Lord,
You allow me to come,
Alone I will be with You,
To bask in Your mercy

When I failed You and broke Your heart,
You still loved and cherished me, Lord,
And never gave up on me;
Compassion saw past my stubborn heart
And allowed me to come back into Your arms,
To lean on Your love alone,
Knowing Your mercy will always find me

No matter how hard life may be,
Your love brings things into perspective;
Your grace makes life bearable,
And my trust remains in You

(Note: I actaully put music to the "Mercy"poem at one time. That is definitely not one of my talents!)

My Prayer 1993 (age 21)
Dear Lord,
Anger rose within me today…
How could one more bad thing happen?
How could I possibly handle more?
I am not so strong, Lord;
But as I opened up Your Word,
A wave of Your comfort swept over me;
You knew how much I needed Your love,
Your compassionate voice told me all I needed was You;
You also gently reminded me of my words:
I asked You to test me, Lord,
I begged for You to make me stronger,
Make me ready to serve You,
Whatever it takes, Lord;
I am willing to be used by and for You;
And as I grow emotionally bound to You,
And the tears I used to hate surge,
I am comforted by those tears,
For you are the One who caused them to be,
And through them, I am stronger;
For I feel You most when I am weak,
And even while I’m telling You my day’s woes,
You empower me in Your love…
I love You, Lord;
Thank, you for trusting me enough to test me.
I will do my best for You;
Amen!

“Test me, O Lord, and try me, examine my heart and my mind, for Your love is ever before me, and I walk continually in Your Truth.” – Psalm 26:12-13

Anyone feel like voting again??

2006-11-30T13:53:00.000-08:00

I added all 4 of my dogs to a second category on the on-line dog show for the sake of doubling their chances to win.

Anyone feel like voting again?? **Note: I found a much quicker way to vote, just type in the dog's name in the search field & his/her photo will pop up. Then vote for both photos there.**

Kailee: http://contest.dogshowusa.com/gallery.jsp?cat=8

Jonah: http://contest.dogshowusa.com/portal/gallery?cat=7

Frodo: http://contest.dogshowusa.com/portal/gallery?cat=3

Brejae': http://contest.dogshowusa.com/gallery.jsp?cat=2

H,H, & S and Waiting

2006-11-30T12:27:00.000-08:00

Heartbreak, Hope, & Salvation (a word poem) 1993 (age 21)
Joyfulness no longer exists for me,
Unlike when I was so much younger;
Loving others never comes easy,
I find it hard to trust;
Even those I’ve known all my life

Believing in a brighter future;
Even with a cynical spirit,
Those dreams lie in the corners of my mind,
Haunting me everyday

Zealous for God
Under every horrible circumstance:
Christ is my best friend;
Keeping my faith is never easy,
Sometimes I fail to believe;
Christ still stands by my side,
Holding my hand even when I pull away;
Weathering every storm with God,
Even when I want to do it alone,
Realizing I cannot hope without God;
Despite the sadness in my soul,
The Lord makes me happy in my spirit

Waiting 1993 (age 21)
I’ve heard it said before
That only the wicked are downcast,
Only they are restless with life;
But I,
With Christ by my side,
Even I am impatient

I long for a better future
Expecting to again love life;
Though nothing ever changes,
Yet I still wait,
Praying for a miracle,
But I wait with an open heart

A prophecy was spoken one night
Telling me of God’s love,
It said He was planning my future;
And as I cried,
With bitter tears turned to pearls,
I cried with hope and peace

God’s love is teaching me everyday
To trust whatever He has planned;
There is freedom in God’s words,
And I love Him,
Knowing His promises are true,
I love Him with all my heart

Poetry Intro Plus 2 Poems: The Precious Children & Be Still

2006-11-29T11:21:00.000-08:00

I’ve written roughly 140 poems (maybe a little more) in the past 23 years. I have chosen some of my favorites to post over the next days (or weeks?). I have written way too many “love” poems. Although some are not too bad, I have decided only to post my “spiritual” poetry. I know I am not a very good poet. In fact, I usually refer to myself as a "sloppy poet" b/c I rarely rhyme nor do I follow any kind of specific rhythm. But here they are, nonetheless. Hopefully you will find encouragement if them.

The Precious Children 1990 (age 18)
I love to watch the children play,
They are so innocent and pure,
They believe in so many things,
To them this world is secure

I want the children to always feel peace,
I never want them to be afraid,
They should never have to see hate,
But only the love from which they were made

Dear, God, I wish You could always keep them safe,
Save them from sin’s cruelties,
Sent them guardian angels,
Let them come to You with their frightened pleas

I wish I alone could protect them all,
To save them from the world’s lies,
But for them there is still a hope
Because there is a God who hears their cries

Be Still 1991 (age 19)
Be still…
My heart pounds and I clench my fists,
I can feel my frustration surge again,
The tears sit quietly in the corners of my eyes

And know…
What waits for me?
Are my dreams to remain wishes?
Will I even know when reality comes?

That I…
I cannot even grasp at what is to be,
There are no visible signs leading me,
I do not know what the future holds

Am God!
The peace of His strength now surrounds me,
Life’s questions begin to fade,
What waits for me will come

“Be still & know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” – Psalm 46:10

My Aunt Paula's Web Site

2006-11-29T09:50:00.000-08:00

Here is a link to my Aunt Paula & Uncle Gordie's tree farm. I used to love visiting their farm; it is a beautiful place! http://www.bellschristmastrees.com/

From “Julie’s Gems”: November 2003 (Last one)

2006-11-29T08:32:00.000-08:00

The show “Extreme Makeover” makes me sad to see people so down on themselves based on looks alone (not the Home Edition version of the show). The fact is, society is way too image conscious and needs to learn to concentrate more on what’s on the inside and how we treat others instead of obsessing over diets and fashion. Not that there’s anything wrong with taking pride in your appearance and eating for the sake of a healthy heart. In fact, it’s good to see many of you looking so healthy, but when dieting becomes a fixation to look better than the next guy or girl, that’s when it’s dangerous. Or when you’ll only be happy w/ yourself when you drop a size or three.
If someone doesn’t like you based on your looks alone, then he or she is not a real friend, and you should not waste your time listening to their put downs. A true friend or lover should build you up, not tear you down.
Bottom line: learn to accept yourself, and embrace who you are inside and out. If you are truly miserable every time you look in the mirror, perhaps it is time to do a little soul searching and find out what’s really bugging you. Focus at least one thing to improve or enhance, and pretty soon your self image will start to strengthen. Of course, it doesn’t hurt to change your hair style or color, or buy a new outfit to make yourself feel attractive, but colors fade, and clothes go out of style. I can see beauty in each one of you inside and out; I just hope you can learn to see it in yourself and be proud of whom you are.

Another Poet in the Family

2006-11-28T15:12:00.001-08:00

Check out my nephew, Jordan's poem: http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/NOSboy11/

My Dogs on the Web (Please Vote!)

2006-11-28T12:12:00.000-08:00

I entered my 4 dogs in a photo contest. Submit your photos to dogshowusa.com. To view my dogs (and vote!) see: (Photos listed by dog’s name and city, State)
Kailee: http://contest.dogshowusa.com/portal/gallery?cat=2

Frodo: http://contest.dogshowusa.com/portal/gallery?cat=4

Brejae’: http://contest.dogshowusa.com/portal/gallery?cat=3

Jonah: http://contest.dogshowusa.com/portal/gallery?cat=9

If you click on their photo you’ll see my write up on them. Also, just click on the star next to "vote" to vote! Thanks!!

From “Julie’s Gems”: October 2003

2006-11-28T10:25:00.000-08:00

What are you afraid of? Snakes and especially sharks give me the heebie geebies. I’m not talking about the things we’re unlikely to face like flesh-eating zombies. I’m referring to more tangible things such as fear of rejection, silence, war, fire, marriage, death, homelessness, loss of a loved one, disease, et cetera.
So how do you deal with your phobias? Do you face them head on as a knight in shining armor? Or do you find ways to escape like a fleeing convict? I think we probably tend to do both. For instance, for someone like me who is very claustrophobic, I tend to avoid elevators and dark areas rather than face that suffocating feeling. Yet next month I will be facing another fear of mine by leaving my pets in the hands of other people. That may seem like a stupid fear to you, but for me it’s going to be a tough thing to face. It would be easy for me to simply remove myself from the situation and not take the out of state training being offered to me. But what would that accomplish? I would end up missing out on a great opportunity b/c I let fear bully me.
As you see, sometimes it is better to face your fears head on as a charging ram (Sick of my comparative phrases yet?); it can lead to a wonderful experience. But use common sense, of course. Don’t go deep sea diving with a bunch of ticked off sharks just to get over your fear of Jaws (Yikes!).
I know you officers must face fear weekly, if not daily, and I admire each of you for facing that fear with unabashed bravery to keep our city safe. So, I’m sure you know what I’m talking about. Then again, there’s nothing wrong with being afraid. It does not make you more or less of a person, so don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. In fact, fear can be a healthy thing if it allows you to come home safely every night.
As for me, I don’t plan on climbing into a tight, dark place anytime soon just to get over my claustrophobia, but I do still plan on going to Utah in November despite the anxiety in my heart. So if the boogie man visits you this Halloween, stay calm and tell him to go away; for even if fear dwells here, it will not rein here.
“Courage is the power to let go of the familiar.” – Raymond Lindquist

The Stockings Are Not Quite Yet Hung, But...

2006-11-27T15:52:00.000-08:00

I know I’m posting a lot today, but I had a 4-day break, so I need to make it up! I usually decorate my house for Christmas the day after Thanksgiving b/c it is a long weekend and logically a good time to find the time to do so. I’m not putting up a tree this year b/c I’m sure my 2 younger dogs would knock it over and eat the ornaments and probably eat the tree as well! And I haven’t put up my stockings yet, but each dog & cat has their own stocking as seen in the photos (I cross-stiched thier names on the top of the stocking). Also in the photos are examples of the ornaments I made for all my animals. I painted cats to look like the cats & dogs to look like the dogs w/ name beads spelling out their names. The dog is Jaydee (she was camera shy, & almost always laid her ears back when I took her photo) & the cat is Amara. Jaydee died July 2005 & Amara disappeared April 2006.

Another Cosette Update

2006-11-27T15:29:00.000-08:00

Cosette is still VERY ill. I have no idea how she is still alive. She cannot keep anyhting down and cannot walk very far w/o collapsing. God is remaining silent on healing Cosie and/or letting her be at peace and letting her die. But I fear it won't be long before I'm writing my tribute to her. (That's an old photo; I certainally will not take a photo of her now as she is a walking fur-covered skelton, and I want to remember her as she was, not as she is now.)

“Save the cheerleader, save the world.”

2006-11-27T15:28:00.000-08:00

Anyone watching the new show “Heroes”? Anyone not watching it? I really liked last week’s episode b/c the first half of the show’s tagline finally come to fruition. The cheerleader was saved! Now she just needs to save the world! I also liked it so much b/c Peter became the ultimate hero. He knew he stood a chance to die, but he took the risk of traveling to Claire so he could save her life. He saw his own death in a futuristic painting, but he still knew he had to take the chance to save the cheerleader. He didn’t know how, but he knew he had to do it anyway. How many of us would risk our own life to save another?
There’s a really obvious parallel here. Jesus did that for us. He knew he would not only die, but would suffer what was possibly the most violent death any human has ever experienced (it was even worse than what was portrayed in the movie “The Passion of the Christ”). Yet He did it willingly. And His story is not some comic book fantasy, but it actually happened, and He truly has saved the world!

From “Julie’s Gems”: September 2003

2006-11-27T15:12:00.000-08:00

As you may or may not know, my favorite movies (and books) are “The Lord of the Rings” parts 1 and 2 (I won’t read part 3 until the movie comes out). There is so much about them that is perfect. Tolkien’s imagination and skill are beyond what I could ever hope to possess, and I marvel each time I re-familiarize myself with the story. There are many themes woven through the rich tale, but I want to focus on the story of the hobbits. The main hobbit you will get to know is Frodo Baggins. He is the one who bears the responsibility of the fate of the world through the possession of a little ring full of enough power to destroy the world. Although it is Frodo’s intention to set off on his journey to destroy the ring alone, he is quickly joined by three other hobbits Sam, Merry, and Pippin, whose loyalty and brave hearts shine through. Eventually the 4 hobbits are joined by 5 others to carry out the quest to destroy the ring, and thus creates the title of part one, “The Fellowship of the Ring.”
Those of you familiar w/ the story know that the fellowship falls apart at the end of part one, and the nine companions split into 3 separate adventures. Frodo is now paired with Sam alone (not counting the antagonist, Gollum). This is where I’m finally coming to the reason behind my column. You see, in part 2, Frodo is struggling w/ the burden of the ring as it wrecks havoc on his heart, mind, and soul. Frodo would surely have gone crazy if not for Sam. Sam always manages to pull Frodo back to reality. He is the true anchor to Frodo’s sanity. In my opinion, Sam is the real hero of the story. He shines as the hero not just by being brave, but by his act of friendship, loyalty, and encouragement.
Hopefully you have a friend like Sam, and even more hopefully, you are that type of friend. It’s not too likely any of us will be asked to take a treacherous trek to drop a dangerous ring into the fires of Mordor, but we can still prove our friendship by simply being there. It may not seem like much, but trust me, it is.

From “Julie’s Gems”: August 2003

2006-11-22T07:17:00.000-08:00

So here’s a big question… Which is worse: getting what you really want and losing it, or never getting what you want? Seriously think about it for at least a second. Done? Okay, now here’s my take on things. Say, for example, that you always wanted to run your own bed & breakfast. You finally find the perfect location, and you are in business! A year or so later, the business is still floundering. In fact, running the B & B has put such a strain on your finances that you end up declaring bankruptcy. You had your dreams in your hands, but it slipped through your fingers and broke your heart.
Now let’s say there’s someone you’ve had feelings for several years. Before you get the chance to really know him or her and work up the nerve to make your move, he or she has taken another job in another state. You never had the opportunity to find out if you stood a chance with him or her. So which scenario was worse?
The first one is awfully depressing, isn’t it? But at least you got to live out your dream, even if for a brief while. Sure your great plan took a belly flop, but wasn’t it fun while it lasted? At least you saw the vision come to life and created great memories.
Now on to story number two. Is it better to have loved and lost or to never have loved at all? Who knows, but at least he or she never shattered the perfect illusion you had in your head of what may have been. You may be heart broken, but it’s the fantasy you lost, and not the reality.
Yes, I am now finally coming to a conclusion. I take that back, I’ll let you come to your own conclusion. Just consider this: even if your dreams don’t turn out like the ones swimming in your head, at least you had the opportunity to know what could have been. Enjoy the moment while you’re living it. And if you don’t get what you want in life, perhaps you should be thankful and savor the image in your mind, and maybe even learn from it, so the next time a new he or she comes into your life, you’ll know exactly what to do!

Thankful for God’s Blessings

2006-11-22T07:11:00.000-08:00

Things I am Thankful For (In no particular order):
Jesus Christ, God, the Holy Spirit & for choosing me (my faith); Mom, Frank, Dad, Vickey, Christina, Russ, Kaitlyn, Jordan, Ian, Noah, Hannah (family); Kailee, Frodo, Brejae’, Jonah, Cosette, Oliver, Caspian, Quentin, Dimitri, Belicia, MuLan (animals) and those I have recently lost as well: Gidget, Bart, Jaydee, & Amara; Cheryl & Sidney (friends); my house, car, job, heat, electricity, running water, food, clothes (the necessities of life); my imagination; health (minus the headaches & arthritis and stomach issues, but it’s bearable); my love of / gift with animals; the ability to read & write; JRR Tolkien & CS Lewis and all other writers who have inspired me; that I finally finished my latest novel (can’t wait until I have more time to work on part 2); ice cream; rain (especially the smell of a wet sidewalk after the rain) & rainbows; "Star Trek"; weather between 40-75 degrees; horses; “Lost”, “24,” “The Nine,” “Smallville,” & “Heroes” (imaginative TV Shows); Snoopy; animated movies; peppermint bark; "Lord of the Rings," "Batman Begins," "The Princess Bride," "Never Ending Story," and all other good fantasy/sci-fi movies; bluebells & tiger lillies; weeping willows; Philly cheese steak sandwiches & meatball subs; cooking/baking; cheesecake; cross stitching; TobyMac, Jeremy Camp, Third Day, Todd Agnew, David Crowder Band, Hyper Static Union, Day of Fire (good Christian music); anywhere in the state of Maine (although I have only been a few places); a really good book by Tolkien, Lewis, Stephen Lawhead, John Grisham, Michael Crichton, Frank Peretti, Patricia Cornwall, or any one else that allows me to get totally lost in great talent & fascinating story; honey BBQ wings w/ ranch dressing; Winchester, Idaho (and surrounding area), especially the “Wolf Education & Research Center” (beautiful area); that "Papa John's" Pizza is coming back to my city (my favorite pizza place); pretty much any body of water; sunrises & sunsets…
I could be creative and make this list a million miles long, including all of my favorite sights, smells, places, etc, but that would take too long.
Happy Thanksgiving! Remember to thank the source (God) of all you have in your life (even if you don’t have all you want)!

From “Julie’s Gems”: July 2003

2006-11-21T08:13:00.000-08:00

I’ve covered a variety of emotions since I first started writing this column a year and a half ago; from love to bad habits, as well as pet peeves and loss. Thinking back, I realized I have forgotten a very important emotion: humor.
I remember a song I used to enjoy as a kid that went something like, “Everybody’s got a different funny bone. Everyone’s got their own sense of humor.” It basically was saying that we don’t all find the same things funny. For instance, I find sarcastic, dry wit and goofy or silly humor hysterical. But I don’t see the appeal of slap stick or gross out humor. If you can find something to make you laugh, then yeah for you! Just as long as it’s not at the expense of someone else or something that depletes brain cells, then giggle away!
Levity is especially important in times of trial. When my grandma was in the hospital with lung cancer, everyone marveled at her sense of humor. I doubt very much she found anything funny about her situation, but she found a way to smile and put others at ease. Laughter truly is the best medicine.
Ecclesiastes says there is a “time to weep and a time to laugh; a time to mourn and a time to dance.” So try to find time to laugh, even in times of heart break. You won’t change what has or will happen, but for a few moments, at least, you will have given your heart wings to fly away from the pain. Eventually you’ll have come back to earth to face real life, so cherish the grin on your face every time you find it there, and don’t feel guilty for allowing yourself to laugh. In the long run, it may save your sanity.

Another Poet in the Family

2006-11-20T09:18:00.000-08:00

Check out my 14-year old niece’s poems. She is very talented. Like mother (Christina), like daughter (Kaitlyn), & grandmother (Carole), & great grandmother (Jewel)! http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/purpleprincess/241143/#c442795
Actually she has the same idea I had. As soon as I’m done w/my “Julie’s Gems" entries, I had planned on posting some more of my poetry.
All of my nieces & nephews are very smart & talented. I love them all to pieces & just wish I got to see them more often (they grow up so fast!). It’s partly b/c of my nieces & nephews that makes me want so much to have my own children. They are truly amazing children. Of course that’s b/c they have good parents!

From “Julie’s Gems”: June 2003

2006-11-20T08:23:00.000-08:00

Do you drive yourself crazy with endless what ifs? What if I had finished college? What if I hadn’t given up on a certain romance? What if I hadn’t cut my hair? What if I had the guts to go for the things I really want in life? What if? What if? It’s hard not to torture our minds with choices we made or didn’t make, especially when the path we chose ends up being full of twists and turns we never expected. We find ourselves wondering how things could have gone. I’ll give you an example out of my life (Hey, I heard those heavy sighs!). I have had at least 1 dog and/or cat for as long as I can remember, and b/c of that fact, having a pet has often been the basis for a major decision. I chose to go to college locally b/c I did not want to leave my dog behind. My pets have also kept me grounded in not doing foolish things like spending an entire paycheck on my dream trip to Bar Harbor, Maine. So thus begins the what if process. What if I had no pets? Would I have moved to Washington for college? And then the what ifs really go crazy. If I had gone out of state, would I have met my soul mate, and by not going he’s still there and we’ll be apart forever? Et cetera.
It’s hard not to get caught up in all the scenarios that could have been, especially for someone like me who has such an active imagination. But the hard, cold truth is that there is no time machine that takes us back and lets us make a different decision. Even if there was, who says we wouldn’t do the same thing over and over anyway? Actually, if you’ve seen the move “The Time Machine,” (the book is different) the main character tries to go back in time to keep his girlfriend from dying, but does not succeed. Eventually he learns to accept the loss and moves on with his life, finding new people to care for.
I’m having a hard time concluding this column and have to keep erasing paragraphs as I feel I could write several pages on this topic. I know there is no magic solution to the crazy what ifs disease, so I also do not have an instant cure to prescribe. The truth is, sometimes it’s good to wonder about the might have beens. You can go back and right a wrong, or try again, careful not to repeat mistakes. I guess that would be the best advice I can give on this subject. As the serenity prayer says, learn to accept the things you cannot change. But don’t be afraid to make up for lost time and repair what you can if at all possible. Either that or become a mad, but brilliant scientist and build a time machine. If you do, I think I’ll stay here and deal with the present.

From “Julie’s Gems”: April 2003

2006-11-17T09:46:00.000-08:00

Do you ever forget whom you are? You know, when some really attractive person of the opposite sex flashes you a beautiful smile and you forget your own name? Or how about when you’re with a group of friends and they’re talking about something you disagree with and you forget your own religion or other moral convictions (by keeping your mouth shut). I know this seems like a rewritten rerun of some of my other columns, but I felt a nagging voice telling me to write about being true to yourself. Perhaps just to preach to myself!
I’ll make this short and hopefully sweet. I’m not talking about cutting someone else down to make a point. Be respectful, but don’t be afraid to stand up for whom you proclaim to be. Even if no one else respects you or your opinions, you will ultimately feel great about yourself; I can guarantee that. Friends come and go, but your integrity should last your whole life.

From “Julie’s Gems”: March 2003

2006-11-16T11:33:00.000-08:00

“It is difficult for the ungifted to express emotions that yearn for expression, yet the desire is so strong it cannot be completely denied, and so I write because I must.” – Jewel Jalanti
Beautiful words aren’t hey? My grandma wrote them. I find it strange that she would refer to herself as “ungifted.” She is such a talented poet that her prose has often brought tears to my eyes. “Ungifted?” She makes Shakespeare look like Dr. Seuss! Okay, maybe that was an exaggeration. Don’t we all feel that way though, like we have no gifts and we’re waiting for a lightning bolt of talent to strike?
My 2 favorite pastimes are writing and singing. I will most likely be doing both until the day I die. Am I any good at either? Maybe, but it doesn’t matter. I don’t care if my words will ever be as powerful as Tolkien, or my voice as pure as Charlotte Church. What matters to me is the joy these things bring to me. Not doing either would be like not breathing. Granted I don’t have any ambitions to try to be the next “American Idol,” but I would love to have a novel on the New York Times' Best Sellers’ List. That may never be in my destiny, but it does not mean I will stop writing. When I used to make this my only goal, my writing was not as natural. When I quit worrying what the critics might think, my writing began to flow w/ ease and became much more enjoyable.
My long, drawn out point is this: don’t worry about how talented you are when doing something you love; it takes the joy out of it. So what if you never hit a home run, bowled a perfect game, or paint as well as Rembrandt. Does it make you happy? Yeah? Then don’t listen to the silent critic nagging at you in the back of your mind. My grandma felt “ungifted,” but it never stopped her from writing, for as she put it, “I write because I must.” So don’t give up and don’t over-complicate what you enjoy. Gifted or not, follow your dreams, strive to improve, and most of all, have fun!

This is hysterical!

2006-11-16T08:06:00.000-08:00

Now that I've posted all these negative links, you have to watch this one. It is very funny! (Watch the video!)

http://www.coughsafe.com/media.html

Audio Stories

2006-11-15T12:22:00.000-08:00

I enjoy listening to books on CD/tape. I suppose this is b/c my mom used to read to me & my sister when we we kids & later my sister would read to me when we were older. We had a fun tradition of starting a book right before Christmas & staying up all night finishing it on Christmas Eve. I have often read my books for my dad and/or Grandma and am in the process of reading my latest novel on tape for my them now. Anyway, there is a web site that offers free short stories to listen to: http://librivox.org/short-story-collection-001/
I am currently listening to "The Golden Key" by George MacDonald (one of the great fantasy fiction writers). So far, it is a good story and displays his talent well.

From “Julie’s Gems”: February 2003

2006-11-15T08:25:00.000-08:00

I’m sure you’ve all heard the song with the lyrics, “You’re nobody till somebody loves you.” I used to like that song, but my over-analytical mind started turning those words over in my head. I know that most of you out there have a significant other of some sort, and I don’t want to exclude you, for this column is not merely for the single. I don’t want any of us to get caught up in thinking our worth is based on how someone values or devalues us. Try to remember that no one can make you suddenly become somebody just by loving you. You are strong enough on your own accord, even if you don’t think so. You’d be amazed at what you can accomplish alone. Please don’t wait until heart breaking circumstances force you away from a loved one and you are left realizing you have no idea whom you are. Write a poem, or an essay, or better yet, start a journal (it doesn’t have to be daily) and jot down your thoughts and feelings that are yours alone. For you non-mushy types, you don’t even have to go this far, just spend a few minutes a day in self contemplation and mentally ask yourself the tough questions about what makes you tick. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have anything against being head over heels in love, but just be careful not to lose who you are along the way. In fact, being really comfortable with whom you are as a person will make you a much better partner to someone else than if you’re waiting for him or her to mold you. Take the time and discover whom you truly are and realize that you are somebody whether anybody is in love with you or not!
P.S. On a personal note to my sisiter: I dreamt last night that you had twins. A boy w/ red hair named Seth (of course) & a girl w/ black hair named either Isabell or Isabella. And that they were born 3 weeks early. (It was actually a really long & strange dream that started w/ dad having a heart attack.)

This is Disturbing

2006-11-14T14:52:00.000-08:00

Sorry to post another moribid link, but this is important news... http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=416003&in_page_id=1770
My mom said one of her friends said that we are living at the end of the end of the end times. Sounds about right to me!

From “Julie’s Gems”: January 2003

2006-11-14T10:58:00.000-08:00

Can you believe it’s 2003 already! In 365 days (give or take a few), we’ll look back and wonder how the time went so fast. Some of you will begin a new journey away from this police department. You’ll hope that the new person who takes your badge number will do it proud. A new face may take your old number, but never your place. Some will begin the life-long commitment of parenthood, perhaps for the first time. It will bring every emotion to a level you never knew existed in forms of fear, protectiveness, frustration, and love. Others may choose the adventure of buying and/or selling a new house. Hopefully it will be a move for the better as you turn the residence into a home. For some of you, life may be exactly where you were twelve months ago. Nothing drastic came or went, and life feels just as boring as ever. Perhaps those are the lucky ones. For they have suffered no loss, have not had to endure heartache, and a reasonable amount of tears have been shed. Of course, we have no way to predict what the next year may or not bring, and many changes may take you by such surprise that it knocks the breath right out of you. It is in those times your character in built. I believe in the saying, “That which does not kill you will make you stronger.” I don’t expect you to dwell on my column longer than the minutes it takes to read, but try to remember what you are made of during those too-painful-to-grasp times in your life. Dig deep inside your heart and soul and let yourself be made, not broken. No matter what life may or may not bring your way in the next 365 days (give or take a few), remember to count your blessings and strive to make 2003 a great year!

From “Julie’s Gems”: November 2002

2006-11-13T11:44:00.000-08:00

I was having a conversation w/ a couple of women a few months ago, and one of them asked me if it was hard dealing with the fact that I would be 30 soon. I told them that several years ago I was having a tough time knowing I would be 3 decades old in a short amount of time, and yet I was no where I thought I would be at this age. But then I recognized that I had to make peace with where my life was and the direction it seemed to be taking. I did some serious soul searching and realized that I was meant to be at this particular place in my life whether it seemed stagnant to me or not. So that’s my topic this month, not just to bore you with a personal story. I am always encouraging you not to give up and to strive to live up to your full potential, so telling you to make peace with you life as it is, is not a euphemism for giving up. It is my way of reminding you all to be thankful for what you have. And of course, what better time to be reminded of such things than in November! It’s always important to follow your dreams, but sometimes they are not meant to be reality, and it’s during those times that we must make peace with our unfulfilled dreams, less we drive ourselves crazy. That doesn’t mean you should quit dreaming, but to learn to concentrate more on what you already have and less on what you don’t. I had a friend that was so obsessed with improving his life that he could never be satisfied with what he already had. It was rather sad that he could never find contentment. I feel like I’m not making sense and being oxymoronic, but I hope you can figure out what I’m trying to get across. Be happy with what you’ve been given, and don’t be consumed with what everyone else has that you don’t. Really stop and think about all you have and make November 28th a true day of giving thanks!

From “Julie’s Gems”: October 2002

2006-11-10T08:34:00.000-08:00

Yes, I am one of those people who watches “Fear Factor.” Of course we all sit back at home and insist we could do that. It wouldn’t be a problem to purposely crash a car into a ring of fire. And we wouldn’t even squirm if we had to eat pig intestines. But to take the dreaded walk of shame – forget it! It would be far too embarrassing to fail. Why is that? We should be proud of ourselves for trying the difficult things. In other words, the walk of shame should not be shameful. Letting your defeat be the end of your efforts should be the embarrassing part.
When I watch the Olympic Games, I’m always amazed when the athletes consider themselves a failure for not getting a medal. I can understand the disappointment in not holding your dream in your hands, but you think they would be proud of themselves for making it so far. Yet for some of those competing, going back home without a medal is considered dishonorable. The focus becomes on the final destination instead of on the journey.
I know that being proud of yourself seems like you’re being conceited, but there is nothing wrong with patting yourself on the back for your achievements. Even if you don’t get first place, at least you make an effort and maybe even conquered some fears in the process. And if you do win, then that should merely be the icing on the cake, and not your main focus. So please, if you do not acquire the prize, don’t see yourself as a failure, but be pleased with how far you came. And don’t even think about giving up b/c you did not succeed the first, second, or third time. Keep up the good work, no matter what the critics says, and someday we may see tarantulas crawling on your face on “Fear Factor!”

Cheers to Conger

2006-11-10T08:27:00.000-08:00

Rather than tell the story that happened at the vet yesterday, I 'll just put a copy of the letter I sent to my local newspaper (I don't know if it will be published or not). It doesn't mean that Cosette's not really sick (she might have hepatitis), but it does mean I have a kind vet. And thanks to God for the small bill.
Cheers to Conger Small Animal Hospital in Caldwell. They are the only vet in town that have taken in my animals on a moments notice when there was an emergency, and they have successfully treated several of my animals. I have always admired the way they will not run unnecessary tests, and wisely take the diagnostic process one step at a time. I have had a cat that has been very sick and has already cost me over $300. She was getting a lot better, but then relapsed. When I brought her back to Conger, I was dreading how much the trip would cost. However, when I was ready to check out, I was told that Dr. Olson was doing her best to find the cheapest price for me. After a while, she came out to talk to me and explained she felt it was better to treat my cat’s symptoms rather than change me the $100 it would have cost to process the blood work. Instead, she only charged me $5.13 for the medicated cat food my cat needed . I am still reeling from the compassion this vet had on my finances. She will still hold on to the cat’s blood in case she gets worse & the tests become necessary, but until then, I am very grateful that Dr. Olson considered my situation and was not just caring about the money.

I had to Post one More Today

2006-11-09T13:46:00.000-08:00

I know 4 posts in one day is excessive, but I had to add this today as well. It was the answer I needed for my last post. I found it at: http://www.ivpress.com/questioningfaith/questions/031.php You say you sometimes feel guilty for questioning your faith. Without doubt there could be no real faith. Indeed, Christianity is a religion that speaks openly of the kind of doubts and questions you mention. Adam and Eve started us out with matters of doubt and unbelief. Sarah doubted God as did Job and the psalmist—repeatedly so. Jesus responded to his disciples' doubts, most notably Peter and Thomas. Paul offers more than hints of his own doubts, but he also speaks of the incredible sense of confidence that comes by exercising faith. The passage I most often quote is Philippines 3:10: "I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings."Allow your doubts to strengthen your faith.More than a hundred years ago, F. W. Robertson wrote: "But there are hours, and they come to us all at some period of life or other, when the hand of Mystery seems to be heavy on the soul. . . . Well, in such moments you doubt all—whether Christianity be true; whether Christ was a man or God or a beautiful fable. You ask bitterly, like Pontius Pilate, 'What is Truth?' In such an hour what remains? I reply, Obedience. Leave those thoughts for the present. Act—be merciful and gentle—honest; force yourself to abound in little services; try to do good to others; be true to the duty that you know. That must be right, whatever else is uncertain, and by all the laws of the human heart, by the word of God, you shall not be left in doubt. Do that much of the will of God which is plain to you, and 'You shall know the doctrine, whether it be of God.'"I hope this is helpful.

I'm Having Issues

2006-11-09T12:00:00.000-08:00

I’m having faith issues today. Just 24 days ago I was rejoicing that my cat Cosette was finally on the mend. Yet my heart dropped to my toes 2 days ago when I heard her howls of agony right before she threw up. Especially since she also began running away from food again as if I had set down a plate of poison in front of her. She is definitely sick again. I’m skipping lunch & leaving work early today to go to another vet appointment. Why couldn’t she get sick when I still made over $4 an hour more than I do now? Or why did I have to get this job that pays so little where I can’t afford to take care of my family & still pay my bills. It stinks! I am fighting not being angry with God. I guess I’m more frustrated than angry, but I am also confused. Did God really even heal her the first time? If so, then why let her get sick again?
Being a Christian makes life easier b/c it gives me hope of a bright eternity, but what about today? What about my sweet Cosette? Don’t get me wrong, I will never give up my faith or love of God just b/c life bites. I’m just being a whiny spoiled brat! I want what I want, and I want it now! If I do lose Cosette (or my house b/c I spent my mortgage payment on my cat), then I can still praise God for His love of me despite my insanity. Anyway, enough rambling for today!

From “Julie’s Gems”: September 2002

2006-11-09T09:53:00.000-08:00

As we all know, September 11, 2001 was a day so real we could barely accept it happened. One of the connections for me was that the day was also my birthday. At first, it bothered me that September 11 was no longer my birthday, but now the date of the terrorist attacks. But then I thought of all those people who lost someone. September 11 will no longer be an un-circled date on their calendar; it will forever be the day they lost a husband, wife, mother, father, sister, brother, daughter, son, cousin, aunt, uncle, or friend. So no, September 11, 2002 was not just the day I turned the big 3-0, it was also the heart wrenching anniversary for many that lost a cherished loved one.
For the living victims of September 11, it can be an effort merely to breathe after such a loss. How dare the sun rise and children laugh and kittens romp after such a devastating blow! For days, weeks, and perhaps years, these victims will scarcely be able to roll out of bed. It’s for those people my heart aches. To refuse to let their heart and soul heal and seek peace. To not let themselves accept that weeping may endure for the night, but joy will eventually come in the morning. This September, be reminded that even when circumstances do not change and it feels as if life has let you down, let faith allow you to live each day with a song in your heart, even when there are tears in your eyes.

What The...?

2006-11-09T09:51:00.000-08:00

As if the link I posted yesterday about the false Christ wasn't weird enough, life just gets stranger. The below articlw was taken from: http://www.answersingenesis.org/
Hybrid human-bovine embryos? The more a culture gets away from believing in God, and the more people believe humans are just animals, the more we will see news reports like this one: Plan to create human-cow embryos UK scientists have applied for permission to create embryos by fusing human DNA with cow eggs. Researchers from Newcastle University and Kings College, London, have asked the Human Fertilization and Embryology Authority for a three-year license. The hybrid human-bovine embryos would be used for stem cell research and would not be allowed to develop for more than a few days. But critics say it is unethical and potentially dangerous. Liberal Democrat MP Dr Evan Harris - a member of the Commons Science and Technology Select Committee - said: “If human benefit can be derived by perfecting therapeutic cloning techniques or from research into subsequently-derived stem cells, then it would actually be immoral to prevent it just because of a ‘yuck’ factor. You can read the entire article at: BBC News—Plan to create human-cow embryos

This is creepy!

2006-11-08T09:31:00.000-08:00

I don't usually do so many posts in 1 day, but I had to add this one taken from my sister's blog. Please view this video either from her site http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/quietcajun/234384/#c429640 or mine. Anyway, here's the video link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zmC6LBpBUv4
And I will also include Christina's quote on my blog: "For false Christs and false prophets will appear and perform signs and miracles to deceive the elect—if that were possible. So be on your guard; I have told you everything ahead of time." Mark 13:22 - 23

Another Update on Cosette

2006-11-08T09:04:00.000-08:00

Since I've posted several pictures of her already, you should know that the tabby in the photo is Cosette. The calico w/ her is Belicia (Bella). I love that photo! Anyway, I'm worried that Cosette is getting sick again. I haven't seen her eat in 2 days and she started howling like she was in pain last night right before she threw up. So if anyone reads this, again, please pray that God will completelty heal Cosette. Thank you!
On another note: it;'s funny that the column I posted from my old "Julie's Gem's" (written in 2002) yesterday was about Cosette & Amara, since now Cosie has been the one so sick & I lost Amara in April this year. It made that column ring even more true to me since I miss Amara a lot & I've been so worried about losing Cosette!