From “Julie’s Gems”: June 2003

Do you drive yourself crazy with endless what ifs? What if I had finished college? What if I hadn’t given up on a certain romance? What if I hadn’t cut my hair? What if I had the guts to go for the things I really want in life? What if? What if? It’s hard not to torture our minds with choices we made or didn’t make, especially when the path we chose ends up being full of twists and turns we never expected. We find ourselves wondering how things could have gone. I’ll give you an example out of my life (Hey, I heard those heavy sighs!). I have had at least 1 dog and/or cat for as long as I can remember, and b/c of that fact, having a pet has often been the basis for a major decision. I chose to go to college locally b/c I did not want to leave my dog behind. My pets have also kept me grounded in not doing foolish things like spending an entire paycheck on my dream trip to Bar Harbor, Maine. So thus begins the what if process. What if I had no pets? Would I have moved to Washington for college? And then the what ifs really go crazy. If I had gone out of state, would I have met my soul mate, and by not going he’s still there and we’ll be apart forever? Et cetera.
It’s hard not to get caught up in all the scenarios that could have been, especially for someone like me who has such an active imagination. But the hard, cold truth is that there is no time machine that takes us back and lets us make a different decision. Even if there was, who says we wouldn’t do the same thing over and over anyway? Actually, if you’ve seen the move “The Time Machine,” (the book is different) the main character tries to go back in time to keep his girlfriend from dying, but does not succeed. Eventually he learns to accept the loss and moves on with his life, finding new people to care for.
I’m having a hard time concluding this column and have to keep erasing paragraphs as I feel I could write several pages on this topic. I know there is no magic solution to the crazy what ifs disease, so I also do not have an instant cure to prescribe. The truth is, sometimes it’s good to wonder about the might have beens. You can go back and right a wrong, or try again, careful not to repeat mistakes. I guess that would be the best advice I can give on this subject. As the serenity prayer says, learn to accept the things you cannot change. But don’t be afraid to make up for lost time and repair what you can if at all possible. Either that or become a mad, but brilliant scientist and build a time machine. If you do, I think I’ll stay here and deal with the present.