My Two Favorite Songs

Anyone who knows me knows me, knows I do not cry very often. However, there are several songs that either choke me up or actually bring tears every time I hear them. Here are my 2 favorites.
Third Day is my favorite band. I have all their CDs & have seen them in concert twice. I loved the song “Cry out to Jesus” the first time I heard it, but it was even more emotional to see them sing it in person in a packed stadium with the crowd singing along and raising their hands to worship. The song touches on issues of loss, addiction, marriage, & homelessness (I believe the tragedy of Hurricane Katrina inspired the song). Here are some of the words, “Cry Out To Jesus,” Words by Mac Powell: “There is hope for the helpless / Rest for the weary / Love for the broken heart /There is grace and forgiveness /Mercy and healing / He'll meet you wherever you are / Cry out to Jesus, Cry out to Jesus… When you’re lonely /And it feels like the whole world is falling on you / You just reach out, you just cry out to Jesus / Cry to Jesus.” “He’ll meet you wherever you are.” That says so much. Jesus is willing to embrace us w/ open arms no matter what we are going through, where we’ve been, or what we’ve done. I cannot express enough that His love is so unconditional that we cannot even fathom the true depth of just how far it goes. No love of any human (or animal!) will ever come close to comparing to how much He loves every single person, no matter what.
The next song got me through the nightmare at the police department (part of the story was told in Oct. 17 & 18 if you need to see it). It truly kept me grounded & reminded me not to blame God, but to cling to Him. The song is “Praise You in This Storm,” sung by Casting Crowns. Here are some of those lyrics. Words by Mark Hall: “I was sure by now, God You would have reached down / And wiped our tears away, /Stepped in and saved the day / But once again, I say amen / And it's still raining / As the thunder rolls / I barely hear You whisper through the rain, / "I'm with you" /And as Your mercy falls / I raise my hands and praise / The God who gives and takes away / And I'll praise you in this storm / And I will lift my hands / For You are who You are / No matter where I am / And every tear I've cried / You hold in your hand / You never left my side / And though my heart is torn / I will praise You in this storm… I lift my eyes unto the hills / Where does my help come from? / My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth.” Even when I’m angry or confused with God (as when facing Cosette’s illness & eventual death) I found that if I literally raised my hands during this song, that I felt peace. I’m getting choked up just typing this! Anyway, it’s amazing how praising God in spite of what we are facing will bring about hope even in what feels like a hopeless situation. And I love the honesty of the line “I was sure by now, God, You would have reached down… Stepped in and saved the day.” We often expect, almost demand God to fix things now, and he doesn’t always do so, or it may take a long time. What more can I say? Such a beautiful song and message.

This is Funny (Plus a trip down memory lane!)

http://www.reverendfun.com/ This is a funny comic, especially if you've ever done bible sword drills. I remember doing them in Sunday School, and I usually did pretty well (seeing as how I memorized the orders of the books of the bible in a song when I was about 4 or 5). Which brings me to a funny story... Every once & a while my dad would preach on TV (it must have been a local station?) when we lived in Michigan. Well, one time my sister & I were asked to sing the books of the bible. Strangely enough, I got stage fright and refused to sing, so my sister elbowed me the entire time trying t get me to sing. I think we were 5 & 8 at the time. We actually sang together a lot up until she left for college. Good times!

One Dream Per Customer

Ever notice how when one thing goes right in your life, how anything feels possible? Ever since I got my dream job of working for a vet, my other dreams suddenly seem reachable as well. Maybe when I’m at the clinic I’ll meet Mr. Right, and I’ll finally get married and can start having children. But then I turn back to my logical/realistic (or call it cynical!) senses, and think that we are all only allowed one dream to come true in a life time. If so, could I then find happiness now that I have the job I’ve always wanted? To be honest, I don’t know. I don’t think any career would ever fill the void in my heart of wanting to be a wife and mother. That does not in any way mean I am not ecstatic about the new job or extremely humbled and thankful to God for the amazing gift.
So when do we quit asking for blessings? It seems selfish to ask for more. Thanks God, but now I want… It’s like in the movie “Charlie & the Chocolate Factory,” when the spoiled little girl, Veruca, finally gets the golden ticket she insists her father find for her. When he presents her w/ the ticket, she does not thank him but instead coldly looks at him and says, “Daddy, I want another pony.” Yikes! I never want to be that girl!
So here’s the funny thing, just as I was finally done w/ all the edits of my novel (thanks in part to my moms help) making the last minute changes, and only 1 step away from sending it in to be copy written (thanks to my dad for offering to pay the fee), my computer disc that I had my novel saved on, “ate” my book (the whole thing disappeared from the disc). Sorry for the run-on sentence! I only have 10 chapters saved to the computer. So here I was, one step away from the dream of having my novel not only finally finished, but also copy written. Yet now, I have to re-type roughly 300 pages. So this takes me back to my “one dream at a time” question.
I know this is really long, but I’m almost finished. I do not believe God sits in heaven keeping track of how many blessings we receive and then either says, “No more for you,” or then takes one away to balance things out. I have heard many times over & believe that God is like any other kind father: He wants us to be as happy as we can possibly be. He wants to fill our cups to overflowing. So perhaps I still have a chance of getting married & having kids & perhaps I’ll even have the chance of submitting my novel to publishers and seeing it on a book shelf some day. But even if I lose my current job and no other dreams come true, I will always trust that God has my best interest in mind.

The photo is of the 2 book covers I made (even though I’ve only written 1 chapter to book 2). On the shelf are statues of animals that represent characters in the novels.

Create in me a Clean Heart

Psalm 51:10-12 “Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me… Restore to me the joy of your salvation... “
I have one of those scripture verse card holders on my desk (I took a photo of it so you can see what it looks like). Psalm 51:10-12 was one of the verses last week. It got me to thinking what it really means to have a “clean” heart. The more I thought about it, I realized it is a perfect partner to Philippians 4:8, “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” In other words, I would say that having a clean heart would mean living a clean life not just in reality, but in your mind as well. I was going to then include the bible verse that says something like, “Whatsoever a man thinks in his heart, so is he,” but I cannot find it. However, that also fits with this run-on theme.
While living in a secular world, we are constantly bombarded with sexual & violent images. The easiest way to avoid this is to read a Christian review of a movie before seeing it and avoid the movies you know are going to be vulgar and/or violent. Another way simply involves pushing the button on your remote control to change the TV channel. I am not just preaching to the choir, I am guilty of violating Philippians 4:8. One of my favorite shows is “24.” Every episode has a disclaimer that viewer discretion is advised. I tend to change the channel when the scenes get too violent, but I then turn it back again b/c the stories are so compelling. That doesn’t make much sense, does it? Also I had a bad habit of when I went home for lunch of watching soap operas. Even if I turn away during a sex scene, I am still watching a show that promotes sex outside of marriage, and lots of it.
So for me, I went cold turkey on the soap opera issue about 3-4 weeks ago. It’s still hard to pick a good show w/o violence, especially since I am drawn to action/adventure stories. Perhaps I just need to read/write more.
Anyway, this long, drawn out column is just to remind me and any other readers, that God wants us to have a clean heart by dwelling on the pure & lovely things of this world. Only then can the rest of the verse in Psalm 51 come true, that the joy of salvation will be restored.

"Normal" Photos

Jonah is w/ me. The scrubs are too big, so I got a smaller size after I took the photo, & Jonah needs a hair cut (maybe this week?), but he still looks cute! I call him my "Chunky Monkey" (like the ice cream) b/c he's small, but solid! I love the photo of Frodo; he almost looks regal! By the way, the shelf behind me has the pet memorial frames of Gidget, Bart, Jaydee, Amara, & Cosette (they barely fit) plus some dog statues. It looks crooked in the photo, but it's not (I don't think!).

Craziness Ensued, Part 2

I hate the way my cheeks look so fat, but the camera doesn't lie. The dogs look cute though! The white dog is Kailee, the photo where the dog is on the right is Frodo & the one where the dog is on the left is Brejae'.

Craziness Ensued, Part 1

I decided to take a photo of me in my new scrubs (as you can see), but after I took that one, I went a little crazy & took a bunch of photos w/ me & my dogs. They are a little crazy, but it was fun! These photos are mostly normal, but I will post more. The dog in these photos in Jonah.

Cross Stitch Projects, Part 3

These are the pillows I made for my mom & sister. The snowmen were for my Aunt Paula this year for Christmas. And the Hanukah one was for my Mom & Frank this year (it has candles under the star and had a silver frame around the star & candles & was made w/ all metallic threads). I am also now working on a beautiful, but very complicated eagle & Indian (huge) x-stitch for my dad. I have tons of patterns at home. I obviously love stitching & they make such nice gifts (hopefully). Maybe one day I’ll actually make one for myself!

Cross Stitch Projects, Part 2

The birds are another set of printed x-stitch pillows for my mom. I have shown the stockings before where I stitched the name of each animal on the fabric and then the fabric to the stocking. The pillow was the first of 3 that I made. This one was for my Grandma.

Cross Stitch Projects, Part 1

Here are some photos of counted cross stitch projects I have done within the last 3 or so years. The fish is one I just finished last night; it's for Frank's b-day (this Sunday). As I'm trying to load the other photos not taken by my digital camera, I'm realizing that many of them are too light to see what the picture is, so I'll just load what I can. Anyway, the cats one is the first x-stitch I ever did; I gave it to my Grandma. The birds were a set of pillow cases for my mom, they were actually printed & not count cross-stitch (which I don't like to do b/c it's not challenging!)

A Good Change

I just got done speaking w/ the owner of the company (of my current job) & she decided she could offer me a part time position afterall. The woman who does the filing will take over my position, & I will do the filing 2 days a week any where from 15-20 hours. Although I was looking forward to having those 2 days off, I am more grateful to have the extra income. And as the owner said, if I hate filing (it does sound boring!) then I can simply quit again! So, God has worked it all out for His and my good again. So now I'll just need to get myslef back on my feet financially & all will be okay! It still means I'll lose my blogging site as I won;t have my own desk any more, but the extra $ is the important thing!

Made to Love

Here a re the lyrics to another song I really love. It’s one that makes me stop and remember why I’m here. As this song so greatly reminds us, we were put on this earth not to benefit us, but to glorify God and to show His love to others and honor His name. I am not here to spread the gospel of Julie Beth, but of Jesus Christ. It’s a great song to listen to when I’m feeling self-centered. It makes me feel humbled and blessed that I am here to love God and to be loved by Him! It also is a song to remind us to renew the fire in our belly. And it also reminds me of my favorite verses that I always mention, Jeremiah 29:10-12. Toby Mac is my favorite male artist (tied w/ Jeremy Camp), & I can’t wait for this album to come out next month! Hopefully these words will fill you with peace and joy!

Toby Mac - Made To Love, From the album "Portable Sounds"

The dream is fading now
I am staring at the door
I know it’s over cause my feet have hit the cold floor
Check my reflection, I ain’t feeling what I see
It’s no mystery
What ever happened to a passion I could live for?
What became of the flame that made me feel more?
And when did I forget…

Chours:
That I was made to love You
I was made to find You
I was made just for You
Made to adore You
I was made to love and be loved by You
You were here before me
You were waiting on me
And You said You’d keep me never would You leave me
I was made to love
And be loved by You

The dreams alive with my eyes open wide
Back in the ring You got me swingin’ for the grand prize
I feel the haters spittin’ vapors on my dreams
But I still believe
I ’m reachin’ out, reachin’ up, reachin’ over
I feel a breeze cover me called Jehovah
And Daddy I’m on my way…

Chorus:
Anything I would give up for You
Everything I give it all away

2 Weeks Notice (actually a little less)

I am turning in my notice at my current job. I just found out that they will not let me stay here only 2 days a week. I am neither surprised nor upset. I was hoping for the extra income to help w/ bills, but even though it’s only 3 days a week the salary will be higher, so I won’t be losing any money. My last day will be Feb. 2. Since I do my blogging during my breaks at work, & I don’t have Internet access at home, that also means this is my notice that I will be leaving this blog behind on the same day. I’m more disappointed about that than leaving this job. It’s been very therapeutic for me to get my thoughts out. Of course I’ve been keeping a private journal for about 20 years, but it’s been nice hoping that I’ve inspired at least maybe 1 person. What I will miss the most will be keeping in touch w/ my SIS through our blogs. I guess it’s back to the old-fashioned form of writing for us! But it’s not today; I still have a little more time.
I am actually looking forward to only working 3 days a week. It will give me more time to work on my novel and other projects. My animals will be happy to have me home more often as well. I may still try to find another job on my days off, but it may be hard to find any one who would allow me to work only 2 days a week. But as my mom & I talked about, working at a vet clinic I could easily create clients who would pay me to feed their animals when they are gone and earn a little extra money that way.I am just so excited about starting my dream job in 13 days, that I think it would take a lot to get me down right now. This is silly, but I wish Cosette was here to share in my joy. I sort of feel like this job is for her & all my other animals before & after too & for all the people I will meet that I can hopefully comfort when they face the loss of a precious animal. Thanks again, God!

Rebirthing

I’m not sure what the legalities are of posting song lyrics on a blog site, so hopefully it’s okay to post these. I really love this Skillet song. Skillet is what I guess you could call a hard Christian rock band. I love them b/c of the honesty of the lyrics. I have “Alien Youth” & “Collide”, but I don’t have the “Comatose” album yet, but I get to hear this song on the radio. Every time I hear this song it just makes me feel like singing as loud as I can (I usually do) b/c it evokes such loud emotion. It makes me feel like I am coming alive in Christ again every time these words hit my soul. I think as Christians we need to feel a rebirthing and feel renewed in faith. To feel that passion of wanting to give Christ all of us and rededicate our hearts all over again. To really understand what the line "breathe You in" means. Anyway, here are just some of the words. Really let them sink into your gut when you read them:

Skillet - Rebirthing/From the album "Comatose"

Chorus:
Rebirthing now
I wanna live for love, wanna live for You and me
Breathe for the first time now
I come alive somehow
Rebirthing now
I wanna live my life, wanna give You everything
Breathe for the first time now
I come alive somehow
Right now

Bridge:
Tell me when I’m gonna live again
Tell me when I’m gonna breathe You in
Tell me when I’m gonna feel inside
Tell me when I’m gonna feel alive

A Great Article by Frank

http://messianictrucker.blogspot.com/2007_01_01_archive.html

Another Great Poem by Kaitlyn

http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/purpleprincess/267841/Keep+Your+Eyes+on+The+Prise%21%21%21.html?#c495821

Dreams can Come True

I got the veterinary technician job! I start 2 weeks from today. I honestly cannot remember the last time I could say that a dream of mine came true. I have wanted to be a vet tech for at least 10 years, and have wanted a job working w/ animals since I was a little kid. Every time I see a want ad for any kind of job at a vet, even a kennel attendant, I apply for it, but you can’t even get a receptionist position (who doesn’t deal w/ the animals as much) w/o experience in a vet office. In fact, in the roughly 10 years I have been putting applications out there, I have only had 4 job interviews (counting the current one) at a vet clinic, and they all said it is nearly impossible to get in the door w/o the experience. So how do you get it if they won’t hire you? So I feel this is at least a small miracle that I got hired as a vet tech w/o any experience. My dad asked if there was any opportunity to advance, but I had to explain to him that this is as high as I can get w/o a degree. It’s only 1 step down from being the actual vet (granted, it is a big step). I still don’t think he got why I was so thrilled to start off as a vet tech. But I am so excited & I can’t wait to start! My dad bought me my first 2 pairs of scrubs & my mom offered to buy me at least 1 more pair.
I am still waiting to see if my current job will let me stay 2 days a week or not. I sent out the proposal this morning, but I was told by the owner that she won’t make a decision until tomorrow. If I have to quit, then it will her own fault if I can’t put in a full 2 weeks notice. I think it’s a bit rude that she is forcing me to wait, & if I didn’t want the dual income, I’d just go ahead and resign now. But I’m reminding myself to be practical and just be patient!
I have obviously been thanking God like crazy since I got the job. I know He will give me the strength & smarts to make it through this gift of a job! “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.” - Matthew 7:7-8

Playing the Waiting Game

I don’t really have anything profound to write about. I’m still feeling flu-ish, so my brain is still not functioning as well as it should.
As I mentioned a few days ago, I was called for a 2nd interview at a vet hospital on Wed. I got to do a lot of hands on work w/ the animals and also helped w/ menial tasks like mopping, laundry, and stocking supplies. The vet even had me call one of the labs & fill out paperwork for some blood work to be picked up. I feel like it went really well. The doctor told me he was impressed w/ the way I handled the animals and w/ how I was willing to get in there and work. His exact phrasing was that he was “tickled” w/ how well I did. I had a blast and I could perfectly see myself working there. I am supposed to know either today or tomorrow if I got the job. The hardest part is the waiting. I want this so bad. It truly is my dream job.
Very gratefully, I also found out that it will pay enough for me to quit my present job. I think I would like to stay a little longer though to double up my income for a while. There have been some not so nice things said/done to me & Sid in the last few days by the owner of the company that has me a bit angry, however. So I am also waiting to see if things improve here or not. Also, I don’t even know if they would let me work only 2 days a week.
There is a lot to wait for and I hate feeling like things are open-ended, especially in this case w/ one thing hinging on another, hinging on another; so my future is up in the air.
Oh, and back to that “pursuit of happiness” theme I’ve written about a few times. I really feel like w/ pursing this job that I am indeed also pursing my happiness, so if offered it, I will take it, even if I lose my current job.
So I stand by my favorite bible verse in Jeremiah 29, and I do believe that my future is in God’s hands. Now I just need to pray for patience and quit staring at the phone, hoping it will be the news I’ve spent at least 10 years waiting for.

And Still More Photos (Loving the new digital camera!)

Dimitri (grey), Caspian (gold), & Oliver (white & grey)

Tributes to Amara & Cosette

My step-dad, Frank, was in NY last week (I think I've mentioned before that he's a truck driver), and he was there for a few days so he got to see my Aunt Paula, Uncle Gordie, and my Grandma. My Grandma gave him the beautiful painting of the black cat to give to me. (I painted Amara's name on it.) She is very talented. I got the cat statue last week to put on Cosette's grave. I made a little beaded name collar for it that has her name on it. I have a couple of different statues in my back yard w/ beaded name necklaces for those animals that have died since I have been in my house (Paislee, Gidget, & Jaydee). I still need one for Bart & Amara. I was glad to have found a grey tabby cat, especially one w/ 4 white feet. Not glad, b/c I miss her so much, but you know what I mean.

Brotherly Love

Aren't they sweet? That's Quentin on the left & his brother Caspian on the right. They are 6 years old. They were abandonded outside the court house when I was a dispatcher. They were only about 4 weeks old when I took them home. And, strangely enough, they came to me at about 3:00 a.m. on my birthday. So I always think of them as my b-day gift from God. Both of them are named after literary orphans who become kings. Quentin from the "Hall of the Dragon King" trilogy & Caspian from the "Chronicles of Narnia" series.

A Few More Photos (cats)

Dimitri (grey), Belicia/Bella (calico), & MuLan (Siamese) (Even w/ the special no red eye affect on my camera, her beautiful blue eyes still turned out red!)

On the way to Burley

I've been having a hard time posting photos, but I finally got these to load. I took these pictures on 01.06.07. I drove w/ my dad to Burley for his Civil Air Patrol conference to keep him company. It was a pretty drive, but a very cold & windy day! But it was nice spending the day w/ my dad chatting in the car there & back (it was about a 3 -hour drive each way).

Stay in the Boat

I saw a really good sermon on TBN late Saturday afternoon by Bishop Darrel Hines. I’ll do my best to paraphrase what he talked about as well as imputting my own thoughts. I missed the first half, so this is as much as I heard: The sermon was on Matthew 14:22-36, when Jesus walked on the water. I’ve heard this story many times, but the bishop put a different spin on it. Keep in mind, he was wise enough to state this was all just his opinion and not necessarily the way it was; he was just adding a new theory to the story.
He pointed out that Jesus had ordered the disciples to go to the other side and he would meet them there. When Peter saw Him, Jesus did not tell Peter to get out of the boat, it was Peter’s idea, which is perhaps why his doubts took hold and he began to sink before Jesus caught him.
So here was Bishop Hines’ spin on things: sometimes our mission is to get to the other side. There we will accomplish our goals and only then can we do as the disciples did, minister to others. When we get side tracked and get out of the boat, we stray away from our path and our faith wavers. So if we stay in the boat and do as God intended us to do, then we will succeed in honoring Him. If we have gotten out of the boat, Christ is there to lend a helping hand to help us back in the boat so we can finish our mission and get back on track.
Due to being up last night w/ a fever, migraine, diarrhea, and vomiting, I’m still sick today, so I’m not doing a very good job of conveying the message the way the bishop did. His sermon really touched me, though. I feel like I have gotten out of the boat, or maybe missed it all together, and I have gotten off the path I was supposed to take. Perhaps this is why I am so frustrated w/ my life. I just now need to repent for allowing myself to become misguided and ask God to help redirect my path to where he wants me to be.
On that same theme, I have job interview #2 at a veterinary clinic Wednesday. I had the first interview on Saturday where I had to take a timed test. I obviously passed, so I’m on to round 2 where I will spend 3 hours at the clinic so they can see how I interact w/ the animals. I’m really hoping this all works out. It has been my dream for so long to work as a veterinary technician. So maybe I’m back in my boat afterall. The only hitch would be that it’s only 30-35 hours a week, so I would have to stay at my current job 2 days a week. I don’t mind staying, but I’m just not sure how flexible they will be w/ me only working part time. The first step would be getting the job then go from there. If it’s God’s will, I know it will all work out!

A Few More Photos (dogs)

Here a few more from my new digital camera. It has a 2-second delay, so when I'm taking photos of animals, it can be a bit tricky to get them to sit still. That's why I have the funny close up of Breaje'. It's kinda cute though, so I didn't delete it. That's my mom on the couch w/ Frodo. I took that one on 01.07.07, Sunday.

Faith Lessons Learned from Amara& Dimitri: Part 2

It was not until I went out of state for crime analysis training in Utah in November 2003 that I saw a significant turn around in Dimitri. I had been gone for 6 days, and when I came back at almost midnight and crawled into bed, I was very surprised to find Dimitri snuggling up next to me for most of the night. Little by little, Dimitri became more and more affectionate and less and less stand-offish. Especially when I again went out of state to visit my sister, he again grew closer to me. Dimitri truly followed the saying, “absence makes the heart grow fonder.” He continues to be a total snuggle bug and I adore his silly sense of humor. In the song I sing to him I call him my “wonderful, sweet boy.” (All my cats have their own short song that I wrote & I sing to them.) Faith Lesson: Sometimes it takes the absence of God in our lives to learn to appreciate what we had. Not that God will ever really abandon us, but there are times He feels distant. It is in these times we realize how good we have it and want it back. Just as I was quick to accept Dimitri’s change, God is quick to accept ours.
Although Amara grew more tolerant of me and even sometimes slept on my pillow and sometimes let me pet her, I still never heard her purr. I always worried if she was happy or if my house was just a place to live. At least I knew she loved her brother as they still played and snuggled together. I will never know if Amara was happy with me. April 27, 2006 was the last time I saw her. She went outside one morning and never came back. I placed an ad w/ her photo in the newspaper, and either mailed or physically placed flyers at every vet in my county and every animal shelter in Idaho and even some in Oregon. I do not believe she ran away from home b/c she was unhappy, I think she was either stolen or died. As with her brain injury, I will not know on this side of eternity what happened to her. Wherever she is, I pray she is at peace. Despite the fact that Amara and I did not have a close bond, I loved her very much and cried over her like crazy. I stayed up to midnight or later for at least a month sitting by the front door hoping she would come home. 8 ½ months later, I still hold out a little hope. Faith Lesson: As the parable in Matthew 18:10-14 tells us, God cares about even the 1 sheep that wanders off and will go after that sheep. Even though I still had 7 other cats at home (now 6), it did not mean I said, “oh well, one less mouth to feed.” Or cared any less b/c she didn’t love me the way the others do. I admit that I grieve over Cosette more than Amara or any other cat before or probably after (not intentionally), but God does not choose favorites. God does not grieve over the loss of one human soul more than another. He loves us all the same.
Note: When Amara went missing, Dimitri would sit outside on the stairs and meow for her and I would have to coax him inside. I know it was for Amara, b/c he never done such a thing before or since.

Faith Lessons Learned from Amara & Dimitri: Part 1

I always wanted to write an essay on the faith lessons I learned from my cats Amara (black cat inside the kitty tower) & Dimitri (grey cat on the back of the chair). This is a long topic, so I will post it in 2 parts.
Amara and Dimitri are brother and sister. Amara came to me in April 2002. B/c Amara walked around the house crying a lot, I knew she missed her siblings, so I went back for Dimitri 2 weeks later. Neither kitten was terribly affectionate. In fact, when I tried to snuggle with them, they would scoot away from me and give me a, “Why are you bothering me?” look. It did not stop me from loving them. Faith Lesson: God never stops loving us, even when we pull away.
In July 2002, I came home from work and found Amara wedged between my computer desk and the wall. Her eyes were unfocused and she could not walk. I rushed her to the vet. I held her in my arms and cried while I sat in the waiting area. She was only 5 months old and so tiny. I remember thinking how much I loved her even though she had only been w/ me for 3 months and despite her aloof ways. To this day I do not know what happened to her, but she had some sort of brain injury. She stayed at the vet for 3 days until the swelling in her brain went down. Faith Lesson: God is willing to hold us in His arms and cry over us when we are injured. Amara was so out of it that I don’t know if she realized I was even there. Just as when we are so wounded we don’t realize God is by our side, but He is there nonetheless.
I never ceased trying to win the cats over and would still treat them as the other cats by hugging and kissing them. One day I picked up Dimitri, fully expecting him to protest, but to my surprise, he snuggled into my arms and began to purr. He was surprisingly content in my arms, and never asked to be put down. I think he would have stayed there all day if I had let him. That was a rare moment, however, and he continued to care less about me after that. Faith Lesson: In hopes that we will someday return His affection, God never ceases to reach out, waiting for the day we will relax in His arms and allow ourselves to feel peace.
To be continued…
Note: I got the name Amara from T.V. I was home sick one day from work & watching “Hollywood Squares.” It was kids’ week and one of the contestants was a cute little Asian girl named Amara. I thought it was a pretty name and wrote it down for future use in a book. It means eternal. Dimitri is named from Dimitri in “Anastasia.” And yes, there are characters in my novel named Dimitri Ivanov & Amara Manzanares.

Good Article

http://backtothebible.org/bible_studies/articles/is_god_saying_no.htm
This is similiar to some thoughts on my blog. It's not anything I haven't heard before, but still worth a refresher to remind myself of the reason why things are the way they are some times.

My New Toy

I got a digital camera for Christmas from my dad & Vickey. Here are a few pictures I've taken so far. I'll post more when I have time.
The cat locket was my Christmas gift to myself. Obviously I put photos of Cosette & Amara inside. The picture frame is Cosette's memorial (Amara, Jaydee, Gidget, & Bart have one too). I photographed the baby bottle b/c it was the one I fed her w/ when she was a tiny kitten, & the syringe on the other side of the frame was what I used to force feed her with when she got ill. I just found the parrallel interesting that I fed her in the beginning & the end.

Cynic vs. Realist

My friend Sidney & I often disagree on the whether I am a cynic or a realist. For instance, when I say that the man I have a crush on will never ask me out, Sid says I am being a cynic, but I say I am being a realist. Statistically speaking, the majority of the men I have been interested in have not returned my feelings, so therefore, why would this guy be any different? So, you see, I am not being a cynic, but a realist!
As a Christian, am I being a realist or a cynic when I lack faith? For example my financial situation really bites right now. So if I look back at the pattern my life has taken and see that my finances have rarely been where they need to be, am I being logical by not trusting God? Yes, but I am also being a cynic by lacking the faith to believe in God’s provisions. I believe by seeing things as they usually tend to be is why I have such a hard time simply believing God will do things that seem impossible.
I am so logic-minded that two different instructors teaching 2 separate classes for the police department both told me that I have a very logical mind and they were both impressed by my line of thinking in the questions I asked them throughout the classes. Also, when I took an IQ test, the editorial portion of my results stated that I had high logical skills (which I think is the only reason my score was what it was, b/c I was able to figure out what I didn’t know). I list these examples not to brag, but to prove my point.
My logic makes it hard to accept God as not caring about the way things should happen, and that He is the God of the impossible. So maybe I should re-title this: “Faith vs. Logic.” It is my realism that keeps me grounded and keeps me from getting disappointed w/ life when things don’t go my way. But when that realism turns to doubt b/c I call it logic and refuse to see what God can do, then I become the cynic. Confused yet? Me, I think I’m finally seeing clearer now! As I write this, I’m having an epiphany on why I doubt God so much.
So how do I conclude this very open-ended subject? I guess just to remind myself to quit trying to limit God and remember that He doesn’t exist on my logical plane. He is so far above me that I can not come close to fathoming how His thought process works. And try to recondition myself to start actually walking by faith and not by sight/logic!

In His Perfect Will

Well, it is now the second week into 2007 and I am finally posting. Actually I wrote this last week, but the Internet was down so I couldn’t post until today.
New Year’s resolutions seem to be the thought on a lot of people’s minds lately. I used to make them until I realized that I was making the same ones every year with little improvement. Read my bible more, read/write novels more, lose weight/exercise. The typical ones. It’s not that I don’t care about self improvement, but I can resolve to do these things every day of the year. I’ve heard that fitness clubs’ memberships drastically jump in January, but then drop almost as much again around March. Once people fail to meet their goals, they simply give up. I don’t want to be that person. If I fail, then it doesn’t mean I quit trying to succeed just b/c it’s past January or February.
The main things I want in life I seem to have little control of anyway. It all depends on what God wants for me and how many doors He is willing to open. I want to be married, but if he says no, then no matter how hard I “resolve” to be more courageous in going after a man I have a crush on, then I will never succeed. But that’s what I want anyway. No, not to fail, but to live only within God’s will. To be content w/ the life He has designed for me. However, as I posted on Dec. 6, I must also actively pursue my own happiness and not just passively sit by expecting God to hand me my life on a silver platter. As easy as it is for me to say, “If God truly wants me to be married then He’ll just drop the perfect man off on my doorstep,” I also know how unrealistic that is (at least for me). It can be tricky to find the right balance. This is why I need to remember to pray every day that I live and exist only in God’s perfect will for my life and that no one (including me) close or open any doors God does not wish to be open or closed.
So I will not make any new year’s resolutions, so to speak, just to be as open as possible to all God has planned for me. Only then will I find peace.